Always Wrong - Xyla Turner Page 0,34

me more.”

This was her tone. Instead of judging, she inquired, which I usually appreciated, but having to explain that I was fucking this man and hoping to have a baby where we would live and cohabitate together sounded just as stupid out loud as it did in my head. I guess I wanted to dream a bit and live there, but I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew it was a foolhardy plan, which is why I kept fighting it.

Despite my knowing, I explained it, and it was when I shared that he wanted us to buy a house in the States and London, I knew that I was, indeed, a silly girl. Maxine continued to listen as I went through the past months, the miscarriage, and his and my trips to the US and London. When I was done, she nodded once and said, “It sounds like you don’t want this.”

“I do want the child. I mean, I never thought I wanted one, but I do want the child. All of this other stuff is…I guess is extra and unnecessary.”

My face felt hot, and for a moment I felt foolish. This was one reason why I never allowed myself to get close or have attachments. I had and was always the fool when it came to this type of shit. I’d rather not have any attachments. Just fuck these folks and be on my way. They didn’t stay long; I didn’t want to get to know them. I just wanted to feel good for one gotdamn moment and get the inevitable out of the way. Me looking like a fucking fool.

Before I realized it, I stood up and began to leave.

“Sheryl,” Maxine called. “Wait, what’s wrong?”

I turned back, threw some cash on the table, and then left. She was hot on my heels, but I kept going. Where, I didn’t even know. The emotions were overwhelming me to a point of no return. It could have also been my makeup was getting in my eyes. That was the only reason that I could explain the sloppy tear coming down my face. That was it.

“Sheryl South,” Maxine called. “Stop!”

With one big huff, I stopped walking on the busy sidewalk and moved toward an alcove.

“What?” I snapped. “Just leave me alone, okay, Maxine? I don’t want to burden you with my shit. Okay? You just got married, and you don’t need this right now.”

“Girl, there’s been something off with you ever since before the wedding. I’m your friend,” she snapped back and then got in my face. “Your best friend, need I remind you. What is going on with you? This is not like you. At all. I mean, what the fuck?”

She looked around toward the busy crowd and then back at me.

“I’m dealing with some things,” I replied to her. “I told you I had a miscarriage. It can make you emotional.”

“Yeah, girl. I hear that, but it’s something else. What happened before we left. What…” She stopped mid-sentence and then narrowed her eyes on me.

“You went to go see your mom.” She pointed to me. “You’ve been messed up before even the wedding. When did you find out about the baby with Jacquez?”

Well, the woman definitely got points for being my best friend. She was closer than she knew.

I let out an audible and heavy sigh before answering her question.

“After that.”

“What happened?” She crossed her arms. “What did she do? Was she lucid? Drunk? What happened? I told you not to go there alone. What happened?”

“She told me that the deadbeat father I thought I had was probably not my father. She said that I should probably get him to get tested, but she thought it was time that I knew.”

I’d finally said the words out loud. I’d refused to even share them with myself because I felt like it would make them real. It’s a weird thing to always feel like you did not belong. We all want to belong. Be a part of a unit. Maxine had that now. We’d always be friends, but her husband, well, he would take priority. Who did I have? My mom was not functional most of the time. I had a bunch of employees and people paid to do what I said, but I didn’t have anyone. Shit, I didn’t even have the deadbeat of a father that I thought I had.

Tears began to pour down my face, and for a moment, I began to forget about all of my issues,