Alpha Hero - Hope Ford Page 0,49

the side. “Why is this so important? Why now?”

I have never been dishonest with him before. I’ve always told him everything. But this, I just can’t. I can’t tell him that last week when we “ran into” a nurse he knows at our weekly dinner and she ate with us how much that bothered me. I can’t tell him that all I do is think about him… what he’s doing, who he’s with, if he’s taking care of himself. I can’t tell him that I don’t want to be around when he finally decides he wants to settle down. My whole life revolves around him. And I can’t do it anymore. I can’t sit by dreaming of him and knowing that nothing will ever come of it. He doesn’t see me that way. He probably sees me as a burden, God, as a child that he needs to take care of instead of the woman I am.

All of these thoughts, especially of the nurse touching his shoulder when he told his joke at dinner, yeah, all of it is going through me and I know what I’m about to say comes out harsher than I wanted. “Because of you. I don’t want to cater my life to yours anymore. I want my own life. I want to do things, try new things, hell, I want to be able to go on a date without thinking of you and how it’s your money. It’s like you have me under lock and key and I don’t want to have to owe you anymore. I don’t want to always be looking at you for approval or to think, oh, Brian wouldn’t want me doing this or Brian would want me to do this. I want my life… just that. I need away from you. I. Want. My. Life. To. Be. My. Own.”

I enunciate every word of it. Because it’s true. If I can’t have him, I need to be on my own and making my own decisions. I need away from him before I go crazy.

I hurt him. There’s no doubt about it. He sits there, looking at me with his mouth wide open. I’ve never talked to him like that before. I know he’s stunned. Hell, I’m stunned.

He leans forward and rests his arms on the desk. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to.

I rush over to the desk and put my hands down on it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

He holds his hands up to stop me. “I have a meeting to get to… do you need anything else?”

I want to finish this, but the look on his face tells me that I went too far. I’ve hurt him and that’s the last thing I wanted. It’s the last thing he deserved. It’s not his fault he doesn’t feel the same as I do.

My voice is soft, almost a whisper compared to minutes ago. “No. That’s it.”

He nods his head. He stands up and walks to the door. Before he opens it, he turns back to me. “Everything I’ve done… all of it… I did for you.”

I start to tell him “I know” but he cuts me off.

“I never meant for it to be like I was controlling you.”

I nod my head at him and I can’t stomach the look of sadness on his face.

He tightens his chin and nods his head before walking out.

3

Kendall

“Kendall.” His moan brings me from my thoughts.

I look down at our joined hands in surprise. I must have grabbed on to him when I was lost in thought.

“Kendall.” He moans again and I tighten my hold on him. I probably should let it go, but I need this right now.

“I’m right here, Brian.”

“What happened?” he croaks.

I grab the pitcher of water with one hand and pour it into a cup. Then I bite onto the end of the straw wrapper and pull on it before putting the straw in the cup. He’s watching my movements easily and I breathe a sigh of relief that he is alert. “Here, take a drink.”

He tries to sit up, but he moans. I let go of his hand and put it on his chest. “No. Don’t try and sit all the way up. Just lean your head up a little.”

He does as I ask and I put the straw in his mouth. He takes a big sip and when he’s done, I pull it away from him.

With a clearer voice, he asks me, “What happened?”

Shaking my head, I