the living room and were met by a sight that was so un-seeable, all the therapy in the world wouldn’t be able to erase it.
Holy shit.
Holy fucking shit.
The scene we stepped into was straight out of 50 Shades of Grey - Geriatric Edition.
“JESUS!” Jo cried, letting her cup slip from her hand.
I reached out for it just before it hit the floor, but Jack and Coke still spilled out onto my shirt and jeans. I glanced up and blinked to confirm that my eyes hadn’t betrayed me. Nope. It was real and it was too late to leave unnoticed. We were already in the doorway and half a dozen people were staring up at us…
Half a dozen naked, old people. So very naked, and so very, very old.
Candles were lit around the room. Hard rock music played in the background. A woman dressed as a dominatrix cracked a cheap whip in the corner and I flinched as if it were about to hit me. Two old people were going at it on the couch while others stood around and watched. I saw old, flat butt cheeks, and scores of boobs that had been around for the terms of over a dozen different presidents.
“Julian,” Josephine whispered. “Am I dreaming?”
I reached out for her hand. “No. We are definitely in the middle of an old person swinger’s party right now.”
“Josephine,” Holly called from across the room. “Come on in, we don’t bite!”
Of course you don’t bite, most of you don’t even have teeth.
“I…um, I think I’m. Have to go. Yeah, actually.”
Her words came out as a jumbled mess as her brain short-circuited.
I gripped her hand, ready to drag her out of the apartment, and then Barney held up her tray of cupcakes. He was sitting on the couch with the tray on his lap.
“These are great!” he said, holding one up before he shoved half of it into his mouth.
The fact that he was completely naked as he stuffed Josephine’s vanilla cupcakes into his mouth only made the spectacle that much harder to stomach. I was seconds away from laughing until I either pissed my pants or blacked out from shock.
“I’m so glad you…” Josephine murmured with a shaky voice. “I’m just going to um…”
She let her sentence fade out as she stared up at the ceiling, pretending to study the popcorn paint as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.
“We need to back up slowly…”
“Slow and steady,” Josephine whispered out of the corner of her mouth.
All eyes were on us. We were expected to join in. Holy hell. Josephine’s landlady had invited her to a swaps party. What the hell has this world come to?
I saw the dominatrix wind up her whip out of the corner of my eye and I knew she’d provide a welcome distraction in a matter of seconds.
“On the count of three, we’re going to make a run for it,” I whispered.
“Holly! Come lick this vanilla icing off me!” Barney said, rubbing Josephine’s cupcakes all over his naked chest. Josephine whimpered under her breath and I lost it. I couldn’t hold in my laughter any more.
The dominatrix cracked her whip and I pulled Josephine back through the hallway, losing myself to a fit of laughter. We broke into a run and Josephine cried out after me.
“You didn’t count down!” she yelled.
“It doesn’t matter. Just run!”
We ran out of her landlady’s apartment and bolted down the stairs. I held onto the banister with one hand and gripped Josephine’s hand with the other. We made it back to her apartment in record time. She unlocked the door, I shoved it open, and we both pushed through at the same time.
She flipped the lock and we leaned against the door with a heavy thud. We stood there catching our breath and she slid her gaze to me. I turned to find her smiling from ear to ear as her chest rose and fell. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were wide with wonder. I’d never seen her look as beautiful as she did right then.
“So that’s why she wanted to know if you would be having male visitors,” I said.
I laughed and squeezed her hand. I hadn’t even realized I was still holding it.
Chapter Thirty
Josephine
I’d been given one night off in the middle of my NYFW job, and I’d spent it hanging out with naked old people. Not only that, I’d dragged Julian along with me. There wasn’t enough eye bleach in the world to clear