is a goodbye and an apology. He doesn’t know that with every second I’m promising myself I’ll stop, even when my panties are gone and he’s pushing inside and I’m so ready for him.
“Reese,” he mutters, the words slipping through my hair, warm against my scalp. He threads his fingers through mine and rocks his hips, making me shudder. The pressure of him is wonderful, but it’s my name on his lips that does it for me, that feels better than anything else ever could. He tells me to keep my eyes open and this time I do. When he looks back on this moment, I want him to know it was as real as I could allow it to be.
It feels like time slows down and we’re here forever. It’s misleading but it’s right, like the calm before a storm. Those final moments before the phone rings and you mute the TV because you think that in a few minutes you’ll turn the volume back up and everything will continue on the way it was. But it won’t, and it never will.
I come with a cry that Chris catches in his mouth, smothering his own muttered words of satisfaction. My short nails dig into his back, too short to leave much of a mark, but maybe a small impression. A reminder. A memory.
He collapses on top of me, his heart galloping against my breast bone, and it’s the most alive I’ve felt in a long time. The castle bridge is down, but instead of waiting for the enemy to come in, I’m going out. The decision has been made. There can be no siege if there’s no princess.
“I need a drink,” I whisper, biting his ear.
He grunts and lifts up enough so I can edge out. I pull on my panties and gather my bra as I walk to the kitchen. I dress quickly then return to the bedroom where Chris lies prone on his stomach, arms over his head, as always. He doesn’t open an eye as I approach, doesn’t see me lock the handcuff to the headboard, doesn’t fully awaken until I secure the other around his wrist. I jump back before he can grab me, his post-sex reflexes surprisingly sharp when he’s been betrayed.
“Sorry,” I say, rolling a bottle of water up against the foot of the nightstand. “You’ll be okay.”
“What the fuck are you doing?” He sits up, outraged, and catches the briefs I toss at him. I give him sweatpants, too, so it’s less embarrassing when he’s found later.
“I’ll call the police in a few hours,” I tell him. “You can scream the place down in the meantime, but there’s no telling who’ll come.”
“Reese—”
“I can’t do this anymore.” I grab my purse, the one with my real ID, my passport, and my keys. That’s all I need.
“Reese.” He yanks furiously at his hand. “They want their money. If you go, they’ll kill your father. If you go, they’ll kill me. They’ll never stop looking for you.”
“They’ll stop,” I assure him. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Where are you going?”
“Everywhere. You saw the maps.”
He holds my gaze for a long moment. “Yap is cheap,” he says.
I roll my eyes. “Don’t kid yourself.”
21
Three years ago
“SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE Seahawks,” I mutter, blowing on my fingernails. The Jeopardy! contestant rings in a second later with the same response, earning herself four hundred dollars.
I scrutinize my new polish color. They say it has actual diamond flecks in it, and, for the price, it should. I apply another coat and listen to the next answer. “Pulitzer prize fighter,” I say.
“What is Pulitzer prize fighter?” the contestant guesses for six hundred dollars.
My cell phone rings and I sigh at the unknown number. Despite changing my number three times in the past year, I still get a lot of calls from random losers. Bitter people like to post my details online for petty revenge, which means I have to deal with weeks of heavy breathing and “You’re a whore!” calls varied only by the occasional marriage proposal and dick pic.
I know I shouldn’t, but I mute the television and answer anyway. If it’s a pervert I’ll just hang up. Again.
“Hello?”
“Is this Reese Carlisle?”
I steel myself for the insult. “Who’s this?”
“Officer Lee Jacobs with the Holden City Police Department. Am I speaking with Ms. Carlisle?”
I sit up a bit straighter. Yes, I got in a fight with Jill Waters at the Bolster Club last night, but those hair extensions were coming out anyway—who cares if