as I tossed them into my mouth, found they tasted better. That made no sense, and I frowned at them. But every time I chewed and swallowed, I liked them better.
Would Merr-anda always do these fancy things for us? And why did I like it so much? Everything she touched seemed to sparkle. Around her, colors were brighter. The sun was warmer. I felt less like a savage.
After dinner, I decided to share with her my favorite place. Because of her leg, I scooped her into my arms and carried her outside of my hut. I traveled around the side, where I’d made a small platform path just barely wide enough for my shoulders. She clung to me, and while her bloom trembled with nerves, she didn’t protest. Her trust humbled me.
At the back of my hut, I’d built a ramp that rose along the back wall to the roof. I ascended it until I was able to take a step onto the roof. She gasped as she took in the view, and I placed her on her one good foot.
Her eyes darted from the sky to the ground to the leaves which reached toward us. She reached out and tapped one with her finger, laughing softly as a drop of water resting on the leaf splashed onto her foot. I understood her awed reaction. This was the reason I came up here often at night.
Our moon glowed softly through the trees and stars tinkled. The outline of another planet was just visible, lit by its own moon and the stars. I sometimes came up here when the painful disconnected memories became too much, when my cluttered mind felt fractured. I’d often wondered when the last of my sanity would slip.
But I didn’t want to think about that now, especially because the memories had started to come into focus, just a little bit, as long as Merr-anda was at my side.
She took a few tentative steps toward the center of the roof near the hole I’d cut into it for sunlight. I arranged one of the furs I’d carried on the floor and wrapped the other around her shoulders. She smiled at me, white teeth gleaming in the dark.
I sat down next to her and pulled my hair pick from my pocket. I ran it through my unruly strands, doing my best to untangle the knots. I had thought many times of cutting it, but my reflection was often the only thing I recognized. I worried if I didn’t even recognize that, then I’d truly go mad.
Merr-anda’s hands stilled mine, and then she plucked the comb from my fingers. Her touch was soft, and I craned my neck as she knelt behind me. With a tsk sound, she redirected my head with a gentle press of her fingers to face away from her.
At the first pull on my scalp, my eyes fell closed. As she worked through the tangles, she made a sound, like her sengeng, but with no words. The vibrated melody wound through my limbs one by one, loosening the tension in my muscles until I felt like a cloud floating in the air.
She worked on my hair for a long time, as a welf family howled in the distance and moira scurried below us in the brush, foraging for food.
I couldn’t remember when I’d ever felt this content or relaxed. No one had touched me like this or took care of me ever. I hadn’t thought I’d enjoy it or want it. But now she’d shown me this attention, I knew I’d crave it.
When the tugging on my scalp stopped, I mourned the loss of her touch. I cracked my eyes open as she touched my face. She held up a strand of her hair, wound together in a braid. Then she tugged on my own hair with a questioning look. I nodded, and she smiled.
When she slipped to my back again, the tugging continued, and I closed my eyes again. She worked quickly and continued her wordless sengeng. The murkiness of my mind seemed to fade, the dark shapes in the background creeping forward. Usually that came with pain, but now, I only felt warmth as Merr-anda’s hands sifted through my hair, occasionally rubbing my shoulders and neck.
I often fought with the shadows when they surged forward, tired of the pain, the memories. But now, I felt stronger and ready to take them on. It was because of her, Merr-anda. I’d thought my purpose was to