some, the thought of which sizzled through her veins. That was what she was thinking, but when she started to go inside, he stopped her with a touch on her arm. “If this is too soon, say so.” His voice was rough, strained, as if he thought she might send him away.
Sela’s heart gave a giant leap, then everything in her paused, as if her body waited on her decision. That? Now? She knew what he was saying, and wondered why she hadn’t already realized it. Why else would he have come to Carol’s house—bearing a gift of bacon—and actually sat down to eat with them? Taking care of security was one thing, but socializing was a giant step for him to take.
Her heart was booming in her chest. What was “too soon”? She’d been attracted to him for years. They hadn’t dated, hadn’t done any of the traditional romantic things, but in the world they found themselves in now perhaps a can of bacon meant more than any box of chocolates or an expensive dinner. A hot shower outweighed a movie, and tending wounds was priceless. Not only that, in this new world life was more precarious than it had been before, and tomorrow was only a possibility, not the given most people had considered it.
“No,” she said quietly, and leaned her head against his arm. “It isn’t too soon.” If she didn’t seize life, it could slip away from her. Today she could have died without ever knowing what it was like to be with him, and she wouldn’t take that chance again. He had offered, and she accepted.
They went inside and she made sure the door was locked behind them. He paused a moment to look around and check his surroundings like a wary animal, then shed his coat, hung it on the coatrack beside the door, and went to the fireplace where he crouched down to build up the fire because once again it had burned down. The open space of great room, kitchen, and breakfast nook was chilly. It wasn’t a huge space, but being so open made it more difficult to heat. She lit two oil lamps, illuminating the cozy surroundings with mellow light and adding a bit more heat.
This was her home, as familiar to her as her own face, but what did he see when he looked around? His house was bigger, and more bare. Nothing here was luxurious but her furniture was comfortable, she had nice rugs on the floor, pretty lamps that were useless for now, photos and books and a few pretty knickknacks. It was a woman’s home, and to him it might feel fussy and stifling.
He straightened from the fireplace; he made everything feel small, dwarfing it with his height and the breadth of his shoulders. She went breathless just looking at him, absorbing the impact of his size and strength, but after a few seconds she managed to follow his lead and take off her coat, hang it beside his. That mundane action somehow felt piercingly intimate, seeing their coats hanging there side by side.
Breathe.
Doing so was more difficult than she’d expected. She was so overwhelmed by the look of him and the prospect of what they were going to do that she was in a daze. She hadn’t been intimate with anyone since her divorce, too traumatized and insecure to even try to meet someone else. Now, suddenly, there was Ben, who was like no other man she’d ever known.
She would be naked in front of him . . . but he would be naked in front of her, too, and the thought of that was far more riveting than the vulnerabilities she felt.
He was still standing there looking into the fire. Sela regrouped, reining in her nerves and wondering if he was nervous, too—not because of the prospect of sex, but because of the prospect of emotional connection. The set of his shoulders looked tense. Instinctively she reacted, searching for something that would relieve that tension, or at least give him time to deal with it. “Would you like something to drink?” Lord, that was the wrong thing to ask; her available offerings were slim. “Mostly I eat at Carol’s, but I keep a little coffee here, and some mix for hot chocolate.”
He turned, his head cocked a little, interest in his eyes. “How much coffee?”
“Not much,” she confessed. “Enough for a few cups.”
“Then we’ll have hot chocolate now, and save the coffee for tomorrow