a lot. I was such an easy mark. The feelings I had back then are still here inside me. I have dreams like that all the time.”
“Yeah, but I bet you worked hard over the years and overcame those feelings little by little—those bad memories.”
“Little by little,” Mari says, nodding. “I’m like that. A hard worker.”
“You just keep at it all by yourself—like the village smithy?”
“Right.”
“I think it’s great that you can do that.”
“Work hard?”
“That you’re able to work hard.”
“Even if I’ve got nothing else going for me?”
Korogi smiles without speaking.
Mari thinks about what Korogi said. “I do feel that I’ve managed to make something I could maybe call my own world…over time…little by little. And when I’m inside it, to some extent, I feel kind of relieved. But the very fact I felt I had to make such a world probably means that I’m a weak person, that I bruise easily, don’t you think? And in the eyes of society at large, that world of mine is a puny little thing. It’s like a cardboard house: a puff of wind might carry it off somewhere.”
“Have you got a boyfriend?” Korogi asks.
Mari gives her head a little shake.
“Still a virgin?”
Mari blushes with a quick nod. “Uh-huh.”
“That’s okay, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I know.”
“You just didn’t happen to meet anybody you liked?” Korogi asks.
“There’s one guy I used to see. But…”
“You didn’t like him enough to go all the way.”
“Right,” Mari says. “I had plenty of curiosity, but I just never felt like doing that. I don’t know…”
“That’s fine,” Korogi says. “There’s no sense forcing yourself if you don’t feel like it. Tell you the truth, I’ve had sex with lots of guys, but I think I did it mostly out of fear. I was scared not to have somebody putting his arms around me, so I could never say no. That’s all. Nothing good ever came of sex like that. All it does is grind down the meaning of life a piece at a time. Do you see what I’m saying?”
“I think so.”
“Someday you’ll find the right person, Mari, and you’ll learn to have a lot more confidence in yourself. That’s what I think. So don’t settle for anything less. In this world, there are things you can only do alone, and things you can only do with somebody else. It’s important to combine the two in just the right amount.”
Mari nods.
Korogi scratches her earlobe with her little finger. “It’s too late for me, unfortunately.”
“Let me just say this,” Mari says with special gravity.
“Uh-huh?”
“I hope you do manage to get away from whoever’s chasing you.”
“Sometimes I feel as if I’m racing with my own shadow,” Korogi says. “But that’s one thing I’ll never be able to outrun. Nobody can shake off their own shadow.”
“Maybe that’s not it,” Mari says. After a moment’s hesitation she adds, “Maybe it’s not your own shadow. Maybe it’s something else, something totally different.”
Korogi thinks about that for a while, then gives Mari a nod. “I guess you’re right. All I can do is try my best and see it through to the end.”
Korogi glances at her watch, takes a big stretch, and stands up.
“Time to get to work,” she says. “You should grab some shut-eye, and go home as soon as it gets light out, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Everything’s going to work out fine with your sister. I’ve got a feeling. Just a feeling.”
“Thanks,” Mari says.
“You may not feel that close to her now, but I’m sure there was a time when you did. Try to remember a moment when you felt totally in touch with her, without any gaps between you. You probably can’t think of anything right this second, but if you try hard it’ll come. She and you are family, after all—you’ve got a long history together. You must have at least one memory like that stored away somewhere.”
“Okay, I’ll try,” Mari says.
“I think about the old days a lot. Especially after I started running all over the country like this. If I try hard to remember, all kinds of stuff comes back—really vivid memories. All of a sudden out of nowhere I can bring back things I haven’t thought about for years. It’s pretty interesting. Memory is so crazy! It’s like we’ve got these drawers crammed with tons of useless stuff. Meanwhile, all the really important things we just keep forgetting, one after the other.”
Korogi stands there holding the remote control.
“You know what I think?” she says. “That people’s memories are maybe the