ever-loving shit out of my beloved Mustang one last time before turning the keys over to my seething father, who was waiting for me on the front porch when I got home. Neither of us said a word during the exchange.
The next morning, I suffered through my first three classes in silence. My whole body ached from the night before, primarily from sleeping on the floor, but my eyes were also puffy from crying myself back to sleep once I’d gotten home and a few patches of carpet burn had made themselves known throughout the day as well.
None of it held a candle, however, to the agony I was feeling over having to leave Harley. He had been my daily source of fun and flattery and affection for the last six months. Leaving him behind to trudge into the dark waters of adulthood alone felt terrifying. But how would I ever become a successful college-educated grown-up when my boyfriend was the world’s worst influence, ready with a sexy wink and a grin to undermine my attempts to be responsible at every turn?
I was in such a fog of despair that I almost walked straight into him as I made my way to the smokers’ corner of the parking lot during my lunch break.
Harley caught me in his big arms and hugged me like he hadn’t seen me in days. It was a shock to my already fragile psyche to see him so out of context. I didn’t exactly hug him back, but I let those warm arms squeeze a little of the frost out of my heart before I craned my neck to look at his worried face.
“What are you doing here? You got kicked out, remember? If anybody sees you here, they’ll call the fucking cops!”
I could feel the stares from all around. It wasn’t every day that a dangerous-looking man covered in tattoos and sporting a black stocking cap sauntered onto campus and snatched up a female student, especially one who’d been expelled four years prior and was practically worshipped by every kid rebellious enough to smoke at school.
“I had to see you and make sure you were okay.”
Harley looked like hell—well, sexy as hell—but he did need a shave, was wearing the clothes I’d peeled off of him the night before, and his usually baby-blue eyes were pink-rimmed and at half-mast.
“Did they take your car?”
I simply nodded and turned my attention to the ground, willing my eyes to dry up, before I chanced another glance up at him.
“I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” Harley held my head to his chest and ran his fingers through my angled purple bob, which I was sure also looked like hell.
“When I woke up and you were gone, I went fucking nuts. I just had this feeling like…like I was never gonna see you again. I wanted to come get you so bad, but I knew I would just make things worse if I showed up at your parents’ house in the middle of the night. I thought I was going to lose my shit.”
Harley planted a kiss on the top of my head and pulled me even closer. At first, I thought he was trying to comfort me, but it might have been the other way around. Harley’s usually playful demeanor was gone, replaced by something uncharacteristically urgent and austere. Hearing the sincerity in his voice made my heart constrict, and in that moment, I realized that I’d been blaming the wrong person. Harley was a grown man who could do and who happily did whatever he wanted. He didn’t have a curfew. I did. And I was the fuck-up here.
I kept my face snuggled into his chest, into his musky T-shirt that smelled like gasoline fumes and cigarettes. He smelled like a car guy, my car guy.
“It’s not your fault, Harley. This shit is on me,” I said.
Harley took half a step away and held me by my upper arms so that I was forced to look at him. And what I saw was heartbreaking. His beautifully innocent yet undeniably mischievous face had been transformed into something I barely recognized—the dull bloodshot scowl of a man who’d been up all night, drinking and thinking, both to excess. Even his carefree blond pompadour had disappeared, shoved under a black woolen beanie that matched the circles under his eyes almost as well as it matched the atmosphere between us.
“No, it’s on me. All my life, I’ve just done what I wanted when