accusations, all the petty quarrels of their life together, no longer made her cry.
His message of love did.
Once—so long ago—she’d loved him and he’d loved her. Once, they’d made sense as a couple. Then they hadn’t.
Neither of them had acknowledged that central, heartbreaking truth. Instead of dealing with her emotions in a better way, she’d buried herself in work and practicalities. Instead of dealing with his emotions in a better way, he’d cheated on her. And instead of dealing with that in a better way, he’d blamed her for everything. Made her responsible for their breakup in the same way he’d made her responsible for so much else in their relationship. Told a story of their time together that contained just enough truth to be credible to both of them.
Just enough truth that she’d believed all of it. Every word.
In doing so, he’d relieved his own guilt and shame.
In doing so, he’d conjured ghosts and set them at her heels.
But the evidence didn’t lie. She wasn’t faultless, but she wasn’t a cold, practical automaton incapable of love either. She wasn’t inherently, irreparably flawed and doomed to alienate any man who dared love her.
With a swipe of her forefinger, she dismissed the texts on her cell phone. One tap later, her contacts list appeared. Another tap, and she was calling her best friend.
“Hey, babe.” Belle’s voice was normal again, thank goodness. Breezy and confident, instead of shaken. “What’s up? Shouldn’t you be boning Sparky right about now?”
Fuck, she wanted to talk to Belle about Lucas. But before she could contemplate her future, she needed to reconcile her past.
“I want to ask you something. I’ve asked you before, but I need to know you’re being completely honest with me. No feelings spared.” Tess switched on the bedside light, suddenly impatient with the darkness. “Promise me.”
“Uh…okay,” Belle said, sounding befuddled. “Yeah, I promise. What do you want to know?”
Before Tess could falter, she rushed into speech. “All those things Jeremy said about me, about how I wasn’t good with feelings, and I was more practical than loving, and I acted like everyone’s mother, are you sure that stuff wasn’t true?”
There was a long pause, and she cringed.
Dammit, she shouldn’t have asked again. And if she was going to ask, she shouldn’t have demanded total honesty, because Belle would give it to her.
“Well…” Another pause. “Sometimes you do get kind of maternal and managerial, but only in the most loving of ways. And if I tell you to knock it off, you do. Immediately. The other stuff is complete fucking bullshit, though, as I’ve told you before. You should know better.”
Lucas and Belle were nearly echoing one another. It was uncanny, really.
Tess exhaled. “Thank you. I—”
“Which of my friends held me every time I cried about my brother and didn’t let go of my hand during the entire memorial service?”
It was less a question than an outraged demand for justice, so full of love and loyalty and remembered grief that Tess wanted to cry. Again.
“Me, although any friend—”
But Belle wasn’t nearly done. “Which of my friends helped me apartment-hunt in Boston? Which of my friends cheered me up every time I got depressed by my job search there? Which of my friends immediately offered to cut short her hot affair with a twenty-something athlete so she could keep me company as I pouted about some random asshole fuckboy?”
“You weren’t pouting. You were h—”
Still not done. “I’ve told you again and again. Jeremy Boller—”
Belle spat out the name like a mouthful of poison, and she sounded so much like Lucas in that moment—again!—that Tess suddenly wanted to laugh and cry.
“—is a gaslighting, cheating, man-child asshole who didn’t deserve a single one of the tears you shed over him, and the fact you even have to ask me whether he was right about you again makes me want to track him down and staple his nuts to his stupid chin, assuming I could even find it under that horrible muskrat he had growing on his fucking face.”
There was no holding back the laughter, not after that.
Belle’s indignant screech echoed over the phone. “Don’t laugh. That motherfucker’s going to be wearing his testicles as goddamn earrings when I’m done with him.”
When Belle got overwrought, she started swearing and emphasizing words. Lots of them. It was one of Tess’s favorite things about her best friend, truth be told.
“I love you,” Tess said.
There was a distinct harrumph before Belle responded, sounding grumpy as fuck. “I love you too. I