she had walked with her friend only days before.
The Alexander Palace was eerily quiet as she led her grandmother upstairs, and knocked gently on Marie's door, but there was no one there. She had been moved to one of her mother's sitting rooms, to be nursed with Anna Vyrubova and her sisters. Quietly, they moved along the hall, knocking on doors, until finally they heard voices. Zoya waited until someone bid them to come in, and slowly the door opened to reveal Alexandra, standing tall and thin, holding out a glass of tea to her two youngest daughters. Anastasia had tears on her cheeks as she turned to the door and Marie sat up in bed and began to cry when she saw Zoya.
Zoya was too overcome to speak as she rushed across the room and threw her arms about her friend, as Evgenia went to embrace her exhausted cousin.
“My God, Cousin Evgenia, how did you get here? Are you all right?” Even the old woman had difficulty speaking, as she embraced the tall, elegant woman who looked so desperately tired. Her pale gray eyes seemed to be filled with a lifetime of sadness. “We came to help you, Alix. And we could not stay in St. Petersburg any longer. They set fire to the house this morning as we left. We left very quickly.”
“I cannot believe it. …” Alexandra sank slowly into a chair. “And Konstantin?”
The old woman's face went pale and she could feel her heart pound beneath her heavy dress. She suddenly felt the weight of all she had lost and feared she would swoon at the younger woman's feet, but she would not allow herself that in the face of all Alix had to bear. “He is dead, Alix….” Her voice cracked but she did not cry. “And Nicolai too … on Sunday … Natalya was killed as the house burned this morning.” She did not tell her that her daughter-in-law had gone mad before leaping in flames from the window. “Is it true … about Nicky?” She was afraid to ask, but she had to. They had to know. It was so difficult to understand what had happened.
“About the abdication? It cannot be. They are saying it to frighten us … but I have heard nothing from Nicholas today.” She glanced at her two daughters embracing Zoya as the three girls cried. Zoya had just told them about Nicolai, and she sobbed openly as Marie held her. Even sick as she was, she offered solace to her friend, and none of them seemed to notice the two older women. “All our soldiers have deserted us … even …” The Empress seemed almost unable to say the words. “Even Derevenko has abandoned Baby.” He was one of the two soldiers who had been with the Tsarevich since he was born. He had left them at dawn that morning without a word, or a look back over his shoulder. The other, Nagorny, had sworn to stay at Alexis's side until they killed him, and he was with him now in the next room, with Dr. Fedorov. Dr. Botkin had gone to try and find more medicines for the girls with Gibbes, one of their two tutors. “It is impossible to understand … our sailors … I can't believe it. If only Nicholas were here. …”
“He will come, Alix. We must remain calm. How are the children?”
“They are all ill. … I couldn't tell them at first, but they know now … there was no way I could conceal it from them any longer.” She sighed and then added, “Count Benckendorff is here, he has vowed to protect us, and the Baroness Buxhoeveden arrived yesterday morning. Will you stay, Evgenia Peterovna?”
“If we may. We cannot go back to St. Petersburg now…” She did not add “if ever.” Surely the world would be set to rights again. Surely when Nicholas returned … surely the news of his abdication was a lie, spread by revolutionaries and traitors, to frighten and control them.
“You may have Mashka's room, if you like. And Zoya …”
“We shall sleep together. Now, what may I do to help you, Alix? Where are the others?” The Empress smiled gratefully as her husband's elderly cousin tossed off her cloak, and carefully turned back the cuffs of the simple dress she had worn.
“Go and rest. Zoya can keep the girls company while I see to the others.”
“I'll come with you.” And the old woman steadfastly followed her throughout the