Zodiac Academy Fated Throne - Caroline Peckham Page 0,94

throats of those vile K.U.N.T.s?” I proceeded.

“Yes. But-”

“So are we A.S.S. ramming or are we ramming the K.U.N.T.s? Because so help me, Angelica, I can’t think of a simpler way to phrase our noble work.”

She seemed on the cusp of further nonsensical arguments when we rounded a turn in the bend and we came upon the place where it was all to take place. The first official meeting of the A.S.S. since that unworthy reptile had placed his scaley behind upon the throne of my ladies and sullied it with his loathsome presence.

The clearing in The Wailing Wood was the perfect place for a secret meeting of the most devoted royalists I knew, and tonight we would begin upon our journey of support which would see our ladies reclaim their birth rights.

I placed the box of buttery bagels I’d been carrying down upon a convenient tree stump and sighed as the sweet scent of victory called to me on the breeze.

The crescent moon was low in the sky, but Justin had already arrived and was valiantly hanging little balls of fire around the place like a diligent dung beetle, tirelessly working to get the job done.

“Hey, Grussy,” he said as I pushed my silencing bubble out to encompass the entire clearing, smiling at me like a happy little caterpillar.

“What fine little balls you have,” I praised and he opened and closed his mouth a few times before I pointed to the fire balls he’d created. Sometimes, he really was rather dense.

“Oh…thanks. I actually wished to have a word with you, Grussy,” he said, taking a step forward as Angelica busied herself creating little cups out of ice for everyone to drink their champagne from like a good little lamb. It was a celebration after all.

“Well make it fast, floppy worm, I have much to do and little time to do it,” I said, awaiting his promised word.

“It’s about…our arrangement,” he said slowly, glancing over at Angelica who was listening in like a nosey nelly and I gasped as I threw a second silencing bubble over us to make sure my most secret secret was kept on the low down.

“Oh, what a time to bring up such a thing!” I cried. “On this most important of days! At this most important of meetings! During the A.S.S. ramming! Why would you wish to sabotage my A.S.S. ramming?”

“Grussy,” Justin pressed, clearly taking no heed of my distress. “I know we agreed to keep it secret until graduation and to…play the field.”

“What is this field of which you speak?” I asked in confusion.

“I mean…you know, how we said that we’d spend the time before our marriage having sexual relations with other-”

I clapped a hand over his flapsome jaw and looked around in alarm, noting Angelica’s raised brow of judgement even though she could not hear us. But she always did have a way with her intuition and no doubt with that single eyebrow proclamation she was telling me that she’d figured it out. She knew of the way Justin’s family and mine had agreed to join. She knew that the two of us were due to be wed after graduation. She knew how we had agreed and how we had also made the choice to water our lawns with a range of hoses in the meantime. ‘Play the field’ was clearly Justin’s utterly confusing way of saying that I was spending time riding the Long Sherman, hopping on the wishing fish, writhing with the slippery sea serpent and bending the salmon. Yes, that eyebrow said she knew it all and now the whole academy would know too.

“What on earth possessed you to bring up our arrangements now, you meddlesome moth?” I asked him incredulously.

“Because I think that we should stop seeing other people and just come out and tell everyone about us,” Justin said as if this were the place for such a declaration.

“And you thought now was the best time to try and tame Lady Petunia?” I gasped. “Right when I have her all primed for a ramming?”

“Your vagina is primed for-”

“Good sir! Please do not be so uncouth. I cannot have this discussion right now. And I cannot agree to any such thing at this moment. You do not just announce to the lawn in the midst of summer that she shall only taste rain henceforth! I need my lawn watered in more ways than that. What of the hose? What of the bothersome barracuda?”

“The what?” Justin frowned and I flushed red