Zenith in Love (Zenith Series #5) - Leanne Davis Page 0,83

was bad and perverted.

And then sex entered his life. It was normal for a young person, but Jim spent the last nine years or more trying to undo his past and redeem himself. Kathy was only a venue for him to do that with. It was pretty sad and pathetic. Heartbreaking.

“When did the alcohol start?”

“When I was a boy, I’d find it inside the rooms at the commune. I liked feeling dizzy and walking around like a sailor on a rocking boat. I had to be good though so I tried to stop completely.”

“Like with sex?”

“Yes.”

Right. That made sense in his screwed-up logic and linear way of thinking.

“It didn’t work though?”

“No. Not often enough. Sometimes, I’d just drink alone after I’d lock my door and shut the drapes because it wasn’t like having sex since no one else was involved. Just me. And after I did it, that was the end of the craving. Sometimes. Otherwise, I stayed sober and rarely drank.”

And he wasn’t sure if he were an alcoholic. Neither was she now.

Her head hurt from listening to his long story and the drama involved in it. The chaos in his brain was soothed only by God and his religion and his practice of it. The paths of right and wrong were so well defined that she could see why the linear, sensible nature of Jim’s mind found serenity. Deprived of any healthy relationships and proper examples of family, Jim was smart enough to recognize it when he saw it.

But he was stilted, awkward and totally off when he tried to apply himself emotionally in a real-life situation.

Like with her.

He could not deny the chemistry between them.

“And Jimmy showed up? What happened?”

“He came in and explained how he found me. Some garbage about this and that. Whatever he’d been up to, but the bottom line is he wants money and my public endorsement of him or he’ll spill all the things he knows about me. Lies. Most of it. Others maybe not. He found some land near Index where he plans to start his new ‘church.’” Jim shuddered at the word church.

“You can’t give him any money or endorse him.”

“No. Of course not. I’ll have to let him go through with his threat.”

“That’s why you were holed up getting drunk.”

He sniffed and nodded. She doubted he explained his actions, thoughts or deeds out loud too often. Simply because there had never been anyone to talk to besides her.

Kayla didn’t know what the fuck to do now. The solution overwhelmed her and her stomach knotted. She feared handling this wrong could send him into a dark place where she might find it hard to extract him from. Jimmy was a stubborn monster that would plague Jim forever if he could. Kayla had no answer. The town, the church, and his congregation did not need any exposure to Jimmy and his vile lifestyle. It had nothing to do with Jim Zavarian.

She touched his arm. “You don’t deserve whatever Jimmy plans to do to you. Understand that. You are not him. Your blood does not belong to a monster like him. You’re the opposite; you have a deep conscience and your sense of right or wrong is unparalleled. Something you developed all by yourself, living alone in the woods with no more than your books and alcohol. See that, Jim. You are nothing like him.”

He grabbed her and buried his face against her shoulder. She sucked in a breath and tears filled her eyes, hugging him back, and gripping him long and hard. She let him lean against her, rubbing, soothing and hoping to ease this moment for him.

So much was swirling in her brain. Way beyond her estimate of what the problem was. It was so much bigger and far-reaching than she could have comprehended yesterday.

After a long while, she released him. “You look exhausted.”

“Got a headache you wouldn’t believe and I doubt you’d give me sympathy for.”

She couldn’t resist the empathy she felt at seeing the fatigue in his eyes. “Go to sleep. I’ll call you later, okay? I have to let this all sink in.”

He wearily rose to his feet as she simply jumped up. Head hanging, he turned towards his bedroom but said, “I’m sorry, Kayla. For all of this. I should have told you everything from the start so you knew what you were getting into. It was wrong and I knew it. I just felt so much emotion for you. I handled it badly. It wasn’t