Zenith in Love (Zenith Series #5) - Leanne Davis Page 0,4
part of what his body reacted to.
He could not wait until Kayla returned to school for another three months. It was so much easier when Kayla was away at school. There were no accidental run-ins. No awkward fights or unavoidable events or situations that made him distinctly uncomfortable. He could just breathe. But when Kayla was around, his chest felt tight, and his stomach churned in knots.
Why? He never stopped long enough to figure it out.
Jim firmly believed he found the best person in the world to marry. And if she could love him and stay with him, maybe her goodness could show him a better way to live. Light his path. Rescue his soul from the darkness that he truly feared was ingrained inside his DNA.
His plans were looking brighter… until her damn sister showed up.
Kayla drew something out of him that no one else could for many years. His struggle to hide his emotions. He experienced them and had to suppress them often around Kayla.
When damn Kayla showed up it irritated him, to use her word. She wasn’t even profound or deep. No. He reacted to her strictly out of annoyance. She was like a pesky mosquito buzzing next to your ear, a pest you can hear but never manage to swat.
Jim reacted to Kayla. He had to stop doing that. It could lead to something worse, like his past or his personality or his sinful nature coming out. He had to be more like Kathy. Not Kayla.
It wasn’t hard to distinguish. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Light and dark.
Though there was nothing dark or bad about Kayla. He knew that. She was just those things for him. The anti-Kathy. The compass of what not to do or be.
She was sexy in her offhand manner and she easily embraced it. Dressed to the nines. And her poise and ease never failed to impress him. He could not imagine being that open and careless with one’s sexuality. Or embracing sex simply for the joy of it without thinking about all the dark, dangerous things some people associated it with.
Jim’s greatest fear was after the marriage, when he and Kathy had sex… What if he became the monster he was before? Oh, yeah. He definitely liked sex. Dirty. Kinky. Hard. None of the things involving light and goodness, which Kathy fully embraced.
He had to give Kayla a wide berth. She was the embodiment of all he tried to suppress and a terrible temptation to the man he desperately hoped to be. A good, decent, God-fearing man who led a church with wholesome values and honesty while enjoying a normal, ordinary marriage and maybe someday, a family. He could be faithful and righteous. He could be all that his father failed to be.
But to do that, he had to stay away from Kayla.
Even if she were his intended’s sister. Damn it.
Jim didn’t hate Zenith, the rock band led by her stepfather, and not for any of the reasons Kathy thought he did. Which was along the lines of not living up to some kind of moral standards he might have. The music was great. Jim listened to it long before he ever knew Kathy.
No. He detested Zenith’s presence in Kathy’s life because they were so famous. Jim feared his biological dad would see a picture of him with Rob or Kathy or someone in Zenith and proceed to blow his entire life up in an instant. Sabotage it. Destroy everything Jim worked for.
He deserved it too. This was his last chance to be a decent human being. All the good things he attached to his improvement came from Kathy’s influence. So Zenith became the brunt of the blame. His negative views about its influence on Kathy and her sisters were all fluff and feathers.
Jim was mostly worried about her sister, Kayla.
He left Kathy’s family’s place and went back to his small, cramped apartment… feeling strange. Bereft. He wasn’t sure what he’d wanted from Kathy… but something. But now? All he could think about was Kayla.
No. Think about something else. Something better. Something appropriate.
Jim flopped down on his sofa.
The sermons. Contemplate yesterday’s services. Not Kayla.
They went well although he was always exhausted afterwards. Two full services for several hundred people with high expectations of him. Then came all the hugs and handshakes. All contributing to the sense of joy and community and sharing. Faith and love and celebration. Every Sunday. A festival of their faith and God and being able to