You Only (Cameron Farms Book 1) - Melanie Jayne Page 0,30

felt confidence in myself, not because of my name or my family’s money. Accounting was all mine. Do you recall that I talked to you about taking more classes so I could get my C.P.A.?”

“I knew you liked that job with Wes, but I thought it was more for appearances. They doted on you.”

She braced her hands on the chair arms. “You told me that I didn’t need a degree or that job after we were married, because being your wife would have plenty of responsibilities. You said that ‘everyone knew it was just for show and nobody took me seriously.’ You tried to take that dream away from me.”

She could see that cut him, his eyes got bigger and he frowned. “I didn’t know it was so important. Jesus Fuck, you should have made it clear.”

She let that realization set in for him. She wiped her sweaty palms on her thighs and leaned forward in her chair. Again, she was going to expose more of herself to him. Her voice shook over the first few words. “And there it is, the biggest problem for us and the future for us. I didn’t know how to fight for me. Heck, most of the time I thought my ideas were probably stupid, so I wouldn’t even try to fight for them. You studied how to argue effectively and to be heard, I threw things and cried. I didn’t know how to make you hear me. That was my fault. I worked with a therapist to learn better strategies to stand up for myself. The problem goes way back to my childhood and living with Lydia. I didn’t want to upset her and I wanted to protect Daddy from more stress, so I did whatever I thought they wanted. I’ve had to learn how to make myself heard and to not be a pushover.” The back of her shirt was soaked with sweat, and she was shaking on the inside from telling him these truths.

“You didn’t tell me any of these things. I didn’t see them as problems.” He sounded so defensive, as he pointed his finger at her. His cheeks were red, a sure sign that he was upset.

Hale paused to choose her words carefully. “You were wrapped up in you, Finn, your career, making a name for yourself. When I was with you, I tried to smile and act happy, but I wasn’t feeling that way. I didn’t know how to communicate those things. I had spent years training myself not to.”

Finn stood and placed his hands on the desk, leaning toward her with anger written all over his face. “I don’t buy it. I made you happy. I know I did or why else would you love me?”

God, he still wasn’t hearing her. She felt the tears burn in the back of her throat. “You did many things that made me happy, Finn, and I did love you.” I still love you. “I just didn’t love me, and when I started examining what was wrong with me, I knew I had to leave.”

“You didn’t care what your leaving did to me.” Finn’s tone swam with hurt.

“You are so wrong about that. I cared plenty. I know that I can’t make you believe that, but I did. I still carry that mark on my soul for hurting you. I just couldn’t figure out any other way. I’m sorry that it worked out like it did.” Besides the heartbreak, she knew that his pride had taken a huge hit. He thought he could read people and she’d totally blindsided him. Hell, she was still doing it today.

His breathing was heavy as he stared at her. “You were my fiancé and you left my ring and a sorry-ass note on my kitchen counter.” The muscle at the side of his jaw jumped.

Like she hadn’t seen that scene every time she had closed her eyes for years. “I know it hurt you and I understand why you’re still mad about it. I handled everything badly, but I was twenty-two. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You keep telling me how bad things were, but my memories are much different. I remember us laughing and planning a future.” His face turned ugly. “I remember that you sure enjoyed our time in bed. You didn’t complain about the sex. I recall that you wanted to fuck me anytime that we were alone. So you couldn’t have disliked me that much.” So, the counselor was not