you about Davey’s.”
I threw my head back and groaned. “Not this shit again.”
“I don’t want to argue. Just, please, hear me out.”
I gave him a look, not even trying to mask my displeasure. “Will you leave if I do?”
He pressed his lips together and nodded, and I plonked down onto a lounger. Standing was starting to make me feel woozy again.
Hendrix sat down across from me and leaned his elbows on his knees. “Why do you go there?”
“Why do you care?”
“You said you’d hear me out.”
“Yeah. I never agreed to answer questions.”
“For fuck’s sake, why do you have to be so difficult? I’m trying to help you.”
“Why do you care?” I enunciated each word. I couldn’t figure him out, and it was pissing me off. “Are you into me or something? You wanna be my boyfriend? Is that it?”
I was mocking him, but I also wasn’t ready to hear his answer to that question.
I didn’t think I could stand it if he said yes; everything would change.
I didn’t think I could stand it if he said no; nothing would change.
Before he could answer, I barreled on. “Because this is never going to happen. And what’s more, I’m not interested in being with someone who thinks they can control me, tell me where I can and can’t go. My plan is to eventually settle down with William anyway.”
“Will?” He looked somewhere between perplexed and disgusted. “That cardboard cutout of a guy? What could you possibly see in him? And what do you mean you plan to eventually settle down with him? This isn’t 1876. You’re either in love with the guy or you’re not.”
“I didn’t ask for your opinion on my life choices, asshole! And I don’t have to explain jack shit to you.”
He ignored that and kept picking apart what I’d said. “And I’m not trying to control you. I’m trying to understand you, maybe help you avoid making the same mistakes I did.”
“What the actual fuck are you talking about?” I dropped my head into my hands. Usually I at least partly enjoyed the challenge of verbal sparring, but today, I was just exhausted, beaten down. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. “You can’t keep demanding to know deeply personal shit about me while not offering up any of your own, Hendrix.”
He was silent for a long time. I just enjoyed the peace and quiet and watched a line of ants marching between the pavers near my feet.
“I moved here from New York, where I was born and grew up.”
I lifted my head to look at him. He was in the same position across from me, but he was looking out at the view beyond the pool now, squinting against the sun just as I had.
“My parents are just as filthy rich and influential back home as yours are here,” he continued. “I went to the best, most exclusive school on the East Coast—the only place harder to get into than Fulton. And I ruled that place. I’m not saying that to talk myself up. You know exactly what I mean, because it’s the same position you’re in at Fulton. People look up to you, follow your lead, want to be your friend. You can ruin their lives if you really want to. That’s why I came to you at the very start—I knew if I wanted to be left alone, the quickest way to ensure it would be to piss you off.”
He sighed and looked me dead in the eyes. “I know what it’s like to have all those eyes on you, because I had them. I know what kind of immense pressure you’re under, because I was. I may not know exactly what makes you crave the depravity and danger of Davey’s, but I know that look in your eye. The desperate one that tells me you’ll do anything to keep chasing that feeling you get. I had it too. Until I went too far. I did something . . . unforgiveable. Something that ruined everything. I just want to help you avoid it.”
“What did you do?” I couldn’t help myself. I had to know.
He winced and rubbed the back of his neck. “I can’t talk about it. I . . . I’m not sure if I can trust you with that. Yet.”
“You know I could just find out, right? You’ve given me enough information to do some digging. It wouldn’t take much.”
“I know. But I also know you like a challenge.” He smiled,