Before You Ghost - Helena Hunting Page 0,26

the moment to kick more dirt at Morven. A clump landed right in his eyes. Once he couldn’t see boobs anymore, he started to scream. I understood. It was horrible when they went away.

The chaos built around us again.

Sharkbait took on the cursing birds, waving his sword at them to get them to disperse. Gash did his best to redirect the raccoons by running through their ranks. And Brains intercepted the Urine Bolts so the cops could fight their way out of the dirt tornado.

Sammi stormed up to Morven, where she was about as high as his ghost kneecap. “Get the hell down here, you demented bag of wind.” She pointed at the spot in front of her.

That was my girl! She told me before she’d go down fighting. I just didn’t anticipate having to watch it. I felt tears form in my ghost eyes. Manly, proud ones.

Morven wriggled and twisted, decompressing so he was about the same height as her. He stepped up to Sammi and snaked his arm around her waist. She seemed entranced with his pool eyes and I saw her sway a bit.

“What did you call me?” Morven’s ghost voice was now a thunderous whisper. Impossible but potent at the same time.

I watched Sammi throw her shoulders back. “I called you a demented bag of wind! And another thing, I’m about to cry. I always cry when I’m angry, but that doesn’t mean what I’m about to say to you has any less value.” She put her finger in Morven’s face. I struggled hard against whatever was keeping me tied to the tree. It grabbed harder. It almost felt like snakes easing up and down my arms and legs.

Sammi did start crying, her tears big and rolling down her beautiful cheeks. “He wasn’t doing anything to me. I was taking the physical love I consented to from him! I’m not his. I’m not yours. Sweet shit, you old-fashioned asshole!” She started to twist from his grasp, and one of her anger tears flew from her cheek and landed on Morven’s face. I watched as the spot turned red and sizzled. Sammi didn’t notice, she was on a roll. “And you won’t listen worth a damn, but I think you were horny for my great, great, great aunt!”

With every “great” another tear flew onto Morven. His whole face started to sizzle. Her anger tears that she hated so much when we fought were working as actual ammunition against Morven. “And she’s been dead a long damn time. And I doubt she’d want to be with a narrow-minded shitshow that insisted women were property. And certainly her ghost has moved on.” And then she glowered at him, witnessing her own tear pop and sizzle on Morven like it was a piece of batter getting dropped into hot oil.

“Oh my gosh. You’re allergic to my tears! Or something! Rage tears! Oh, you big fart cannon, I’ve got those for days.”

And then Sammi started fight-crying without hindering the flow at all. My girl was tearing up like she was juicing her eyeballs. Morven was popping and sizzling. The manly ghost tears that I felt in my eyes I let flow and drip onto the snakes that were holding me. They reacted similarly, popping and sizzling until I could free myself.

Once I could run, I went to Sammi and started flinging my own tears at Morven as well.

He writhed and cowered from us. Shark saw what was happening, and he was able to toss a tear or two at the raccoons and they started scurrying away.

“Feel yer wounds, boys! And flick those tears like boogers at these buggers!”

Morven got smaller and smaller until he was the size of a soccer ball. I picked him up and held him out to Sammi.

He held out his bony arms, trying to shield what was left of his body from her.

“I’ve been defeated by a bunch of crybabies! How is that even possible?” tiny Morven howled.

Sammi was able to sprinkle a few more tears on him until he was no bigger than a bottlecap. I clamped my ghost hands around him to trap him and we looked for something to put him in.

“Look at this. A condom.” She picked a wrapped condom up off the ground.

The cops were busy trying to wineberry the raccoons out of the area as Sammi and I opened the condom and stuffed Morven inside.

“You can haunt a weiner wrapper for the rest of your days.” I shook the condom a