You Are My Reason - Willow Winters Page 0,65
full of regret, but it didn’t stop her from telling me exactly what she thinks.
“You guys are giving me whiplash.” I swallow thickly and brush the loose locks out of my face, resting my elbows on the table and burying my face in my hands. “I shouldn’t be with him, I should be with him. I hurt him by breaking up with him, but I shouldn’t be with him if I feel regret. I don’t know what to think!” I say, my voice raw and the words tearing their way up my throat.
“What do you want, Jules?” Sue asks me, not missing a beat although my other two friends only stare at me with questions and guilt of their own. “Love isn’t about thinking, it’s only about what you feel.” Of all the women in this group, I’m not sure I should take her advice on love, but she says it with such conviction that I believe it. And I trust her.
“I feel like I’ve been sad for too long,” I say. “I feel like I deserve to be punished for moving on. I feel like I miss Mason. Like really miss him. And I know I hurt him.” I brush my fingers under my eyes and suck in a breath to keep myself from falling to pieces. “I didn’t know it would be like this. I feel like life was spinning out of control and he was the one steady thing and I was taking advantage of that.” My fingers tremble as I press my palms against my eyes, finally finishing my thoughts. “I don’t know if I’m running away from all this hurt or running to him.” I swallow and whisper, “Maybe some of both? And it scares me.”
It’s too much to take in and process, but I need all this mayhem to stop.
“You don’t have to know. You don’t have to do anything,” Kat says. Her phone’s flipped over on the table and as soon as I notice that, I also notice all three women staring at me with sympathy. Waiting for me. I don’t deserve this. I don’t know how I ended up so close with these women but without them, I’d be so lost.
“You can take as much time as you need,” Maddie says with a small nod.
That’s the problem, though. I wanted things to be slow, but he was a force I couldn’t control. My body bowed down to his and I would have been swallowed whole if I gave any more of myself to him.
It doesn’t stop me from wanting him and the way I feel when I’m with him. He was right that first night when he said he’d make me forget everything but his name and what he’d done to me.
“Are you sure it’s not wrong? Because it feels like the worst kind of wrong.” I glance at each of the girls, feeling like whatever they tell me will propel me in the direction I need to go.
“It’s scary,” Maddie says, shifting in her seat and breaking eye contact.
“Love is terrifying,” Kat adds.
“It’s not wrong. You haven’t done anything wrong and you should do what you want to do. Even if that’s breaking every bachelor’s heart in New York City.” A soft, playful smile greets me as I look at Sue. She nudges me and reaches for the paper. “This wasn’t your fault, but I can’t say I’m not curious about the gossip ... and that I don’t think there was something good about you two being together.”
Mason
Anger management. The paper crinkles in my hand as I crumple it.
No charges were pressed, but I’m sure Liam’s getting a kick out of the anger management classes the judge ordered me to attend. Prick. I know the asshole would have pushed the issue further if it wasn’t for the company. He wants to save face and hold this over me so I can do his bidding.
That’s not going to fucking happen. I’ll take on all the debt if I have to and do it myself. The project is canceled; I’m taking the hit and dissolving the company. It’s better that I’m alone. It’s as simple as that.
I drop the empty bottle of whisky in the trash can as well as the notice regarding the anger management course. The glass bottle clinks against the metal frame of the photograph. I stare down into the bin, the shattered glass marring the photo of the picture-perfect family. It’s destroyed … but really, it’s always been that