this conversation was going to be the one he told the counselor about.
I was in it now and there was no way back. “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “Maybe one day I will. Do you want me to get married?”
“Do I get a new dad if you get married?”
I laughed. “Yes, I suppose you do.”
“Then I want you to get married. I want a new dad. You have to get a boyfriend first.”
“Who told you that?” I asked. I was really going to have to have a conversation with his teacher. I wanted to know what they were teaching. The last thing I needed was family dynamics one-oh-one being taught to my little boy.
“Caitlyn.”
“Caitlyn?” I said with surprise. “Were you guys talking about this?”
“Caitlyn wants a dad. She says her mom says she has to find a boyfriend first.”
I nodded. “That sounds like a good plan.”
“So, are you going to get a boyfriend?”
“I will think about it. Now, you need to get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Are you going to work late tomorrow too?” he asked.
It was the kind of question that could cut a mama’s heart in two. “I’ll try not to.”
He looked bummed. “That’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay. I kissed his forehead and turned on his nightlight before walking out. I looked at him one last time as he was cuddled up in bed. I couldn’t believe I just lied to my son. I grabbed my glass of wine and carried it into my room to change into my pajamas. I was failing at life right now. I didn’t like the way I felt about work, about my home life, and about Nash.
My life was not going in the right direction. I needed to make some changes. I knew what I had to do. I went back to the kitchen and dug around to find something to eat. I settled for the tuna casserole from the other night. I poured another glass of wine and sat down at the table with my laptop.
I took a deep breath and opened the writing program. How to start? This was going to be one of the hardest things I did, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
“Dear Nash,” I started. I stopped and deleted it. “To whom it may concern.”
I growled and backspaced again. I was going formal. I started the resignation letter once again. I opened with a basic thank you for the opportunity before I jumped right into my reason for leaving. I apologized for the lack of notice and thanked him for the opportunity to work for the firm.
I hit the print button and heard the printer at my desk whir to life. I finished my dinner and then went to get the letter. I stared at it. It was crazy to be holding my resignation letter in my hands. I never imagined I would be quitting the job I used to love. It had to be done.
Jace was more important than a paycheck. He was going through a difficult time in his life, and I needed to be completely present. I needed to be there for him before and after school. I knew Joss would appreciate the help with the carpool. I had relied on her for too long. It was time I stepped up.
I finished the wine and went to bed.
The following morning, Jace and I went through our normal routine. The whole time, I had a knot in my stomach just thinking about what I was going to do. “I’ll see you after school,” I told Jace.
“Tonight?” he asked as I walked him to Joss’s car.
“Nope, I’ll be here after school.”
Joss looked at me through the passenger window. “You will?”
I nodded. “I will. If I’m delayed, I’ll let you now.”
She gave me a funny look. “Okay. Have a good day.” They all waved as she backed out of my driveway.
I went to my car and did the same thing I had been doing five days a week for years. I parked in my usual spot and greeted the security guard that had been working in the building as long as I had. I rode up in the elevator counting off each floor as we moved up.
When I stepped off the elevator, I had a strange feeling. It almost felt like I was walking in slow motion. The silence echoed around me as I walked through the office. I went to my office first and grabbed the very personal items