It was almost seven when I walked through my front door. The first thing I did was kick off my shoes. My feet were killing me. I wanted a glass of wine and a hot bath. Unfortunately, that would have to wait. I walked into the kitchen and Joss was loading the dishwasher.
“Hi,” I said with a sigh.
“Oh, hon, you need a drink.”
“I do,” I said. “It’s been a long day. So long.”
I grabbed the bottle of wine and poured myself a very full glass. “Still trying to play catch-up?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yes. I don’t know if I will ever be caught up. How’s Jace?”
She grimaced. “It hasn’t been a great day.”
“Oh no,” I said. “Do you know what happened?”
“He wasn’t really talking to me. He’s in his room. He didn’t even want Caitlyn around him.”
I nodded, feeling miserable for him. “I better talk to him.”
She gave me a hug. “We’ll see you tomorrow. Call me later if you want to talk.”
“Thanks.”
“Caitlyn, let’s go.”
I walked them out and went into Jace’s room. He was lying on his bed with yet another book. “Hey, bud,” I said and sat down.
“Hi, Mom.”
“How are you?”
“It’s almost bedtime. You’re late.”
I sighed and nodded. “I know. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for dinner. It’s been a busy week.”
“I know you have to work a lot.”
“Did you have a bad day at school?” I asked him.
“I don’t like school.”
“I’m sorry, buddy. Was it the kids picking on you?”
He put his book down and sat up. “How come I don’t have a dad?” he asked.
“Sweetie, not everyone has a dad. That little guy we met at your open house didn’t have a dad living with him.”
“His dad is in the Army,” he corrected. “He has a dad.”
This was not a problem that was going away. “What did they say?”
“They just say I don’t have a dad because he ran away. They say because he doesn’t like me.”
“Oh no, no, no,” I said. I was not going to allow him to be tormented over something he had no control over. “Sweetie, that is not true. Your dad would be here if he could.”
“But why can’t he?” he asked. “Where is he?”
I was going to hell, but I had to think of something, and there was only one thing that would satisfy his curiosity and get the other kids to shut up. “Jace, your father died when you were still in my belly.” The lie felt bitter on my tongue. I hated to say it, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“My dad died?” he asked with shock.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I thought it would be better if we never talked about him so you wouldn’t feel sad.”
He seemed more confused than anything. “I was in your belly?”
“Yes. When I was pregnant with you. You never met him, and he never met you. I know if he could have met you, he would never leave you. You are the best son any mom or dad could ask for. You are amazing.”
“How come he died?”
Fuck. “He got sick,” I said.
“Oh.”
“You can tell the other kids that your dad loves you from heaven. They can’t make fun of you.”
“Do you have a picture?” he asked innocently.
Oh, this kid was making this way too hard. “I don’t, hon.”
“Do I look like him?” he asked.
That part, I could answer. “You do.”
“How?”
“You have his hair color,” I told him.
He looked at my hair. “I thought I had your hair color.”
I smiled. “Your hair is darker than mine. Your dad had really dark hair. You have the same mouth as him too.”
He touched his lips. “Were you guys married?”
I was just digging a bigger hole for myself. When he grew up and learned the truth, he was going to hate me for lying to him. “No, we were not married.”
“The other kids have lots of mommies and daddies.”
I had to laugh. “That’s because their mommies and daddies married new people. Then they get stepparents. A lot of kids end up with three or four parents.”
He looked mind blown. “Are you going to get married?”
I needed more wine. This was not the conversation I was planning to have when I got home. I was not prepared for this. This was the kind of thing a parent needed to plan for. I was being put on the spot and I was certain I was saying all the wrong things. When he was in therapy in twenty years,