The Women Who Ran Away - Sheila O'Flanagan Page 0,116
middle of nowhere?’ asked Deira.
‘It’s because it’s the middle of nowhere that I was worried,’ confessed Grace.
‘There’s no need to worry,’ said Deira. ‘I’m absolutely fine.’
And then, almost inevitably, she burst into tears.
Grace put her arm around her and led her back through the garden to her own room, where she put on the kettle and made Deira a cup of camomile tea.
‘It’s all they have, I’m afraid,’ she said, handing it to her. ‘But better than nothing. D’you want to sit outside? There’s more space.’
Deira allowed herself to be led to the small patio area outside the room and sat in one of the comfortable chairs. Grace sat beside her. Fingers of light were appearing at the edges of the sky now, and the chirping of birds was added to the nocturnal sounds. Deira sat in silence and sipped her tea as she gazed at the horizon. Grace didn’t speak.
Eventually Deira put the half-empty cup on the small mosaic table between them and looked at the older woman.
‘I suppose you want to know what I was doing,’ she said.
‘I don’t care what you were doing,’ said Grace. ‘You don’t have to tell me. The only reason I was worried was because I thought I heard you arguing with someone. Then I heard nothing at all. And I know I was letting my imagination run away with me, but . . .’
‘You’re a really good person.’ Deira smiled faintly at her. ‘For all you knew I could have been bashed over the head, but you came looking anyhow.’
‘I was very much afraid you might have been,’ admitted Grace. ‘I did think that maybe you’d had a clandestine meeting planned with Charlie, though as we hadn’t seen him earlier, I couldn’t be sure that was it. I also wondered if your ex might have turned up and was having a go at you about the car. I know that’s ridiculous, because he doesn’t know where you are, but even so, I was a bit worried.’
‘There was no need. Not about my being bashed over the head by a stranger, or by Gavin either.’ Deira rubbed her eyes, then took a sip of the tea. ‘You were right about it being Charlie, although meeting him was by chance. I’ve made such a fool of myself.’
‘How?’
Grace listened in silence as Deira told her about their conversation.
‘Such a stupid, stupid plan,’ said Deira when she’d finished. ‘How could I have ever thought it was a good idea? Begging him to sleep with me to make me pregnant. As though it was a transaction. As though he was someone I’d picked off a shelf! Did I really expect him to jump into bed with me and hang the consequences?’
‘You’re not yourself at the moment,’ said Grace. ‘All this with your ex, with the car, it’s affected you.’
‘Truthfully, what affected me this time was Bex,’ said Deira.
‘Your niece? How?’
Deira explained about Bex’s abortion and the despair she’d felt inside when she’d told her. ‘It sort of unhinged me,’ she said. ‘It made me feel as though I had to do something quickly to have a baby of my own. To replace the one that Bex . . . I understand why she felt she had to do what she did. I really do. And I absolutely respect her right to make the decision. I just wish . . . I wish it could’ve been different.’
‘I’m so, so sorry,’ said Grace. ‘It’s been a tough time for you.’
‘I think I’m going crazy.’ Deira’s hands were shaking as she replaced the cup on the table. ‘I can’t get my head around my life right now. I feel . . . flayed. As though everything that touches me hurts and I hurt everyone and everything right back.’
‘We all go a bit crazy at some point,’ said Grace. ‘You’ll come out of this, Deira. I know you will.’
‘I’ve humiliated myself in front of a really nice guy. And I’ve humiliated him too because I forced him into telling me something personal about himself that he otherwise wouldn’t have said. I’m so ashamed.’
Grace was dying with curiosity to know what that was, but she didn’t ask. Instead she told Deira that he’d move on from it and she was sure Deira would too.
‘I hope so. He’ll probably use me as some kind of warning story to his mates,’ said Deira. ‘Batshit-crazy baby lady. That’s who I’ve become. God.’ She buried her head in her hands.