Wings of the Walker - CoraLee June Page 0,307

smile forming on my mouth. It was a foreign gesture, and I realized that I hadn’t been doing much of it lately.

“Was it working?” Kemper asked as I lay back down in the center of the tent.

Even though the lusty feelings from earlier had disappeared, there was still a strong sense of comfort I felt from having all of them near me. "It was. I won't lie, we might not have a home, but it feels good to have all of you in the same place at the same time again. I know I'm just working through some things, and I don't want you all to feel like you have to fix me." A hint of emotion bubbled up within my throat, and I tried everything I could to swallow it down. When you loved someone, you wanted to do what was best for them. And although I felt that I could be completely myself around my men, I didn't want to subject them to the torturous thoughts that plagued me daily.

Jacob moved around the tent, looking for his mindspeak. At first, I thought he wanted to tell me something, but instead, he gently crawled towards me and placed my head in his lap, securing the mindspeak in my own ear.

"Of course he would want to hear my thoughts. Guess it's only fair," the mindspeak said, echoing my own thoughts. I cringed at the monotone voice like it was a weapon. I wasn’t ready to spill my guts to them but knew that there was healing that would come from it. I closed my eyes because I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle watching their expressions as I finally poured out the thoughts that I'd been clinging to since killing Cavil.

The mindspeak took over, and it was a sort of freeing thing, knowing that it was a direct line to my unfiltered thoughts that didn't require me actually to voice them out loud.

"I killed a man. I don't feel bad about it. In fact, I’d do it again. I would do anything for you all. I want to build a life with you. I want a home. I miss Payne. I didn't realize how much I loved that little boy until I couldn't find him. I don't think I'll ever have any kids, but when I envision my life with you all, I see him running around in our front yard. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose you again. And now that I know what it's like not to have some of you in my life, I feel more determined than ever not to lose you."

Tears started streaming down my cheeks as my thoughts kept going. It was like the mindspeak couldn't even keep up. "I don't ever want you to leave me out of decisions again. I’ve forgiven you, but I'm still sad. I need reassurance that we're in this together. I need reassurance that, no matter what happens, we won't allow ourselves to be separated again. I need to know that this is it. I'm going to feel comforted by all of you forever. I need to know that once the dust settles, you'll still want me."

I started sobbing, clutching my mouth with my hand as Jacob removed the mindspeak. I sat up as more tears fell. All at once, my men surrounded me. It felt like my feelings were so big that the tent couldn’t hold it all. They shuffled in the smaller space, and we made do with a makeshift group hug. They wrapped their arms around me. Huxley grabbed an ankle, Maverick my shoulder. Jacob was still behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist while resting his cheek against my back. Cyler was at my side. Kemper at my other. Patrick just held my hand, stroking his thumb along the top while murmuring sweet words of affection.

"We're never splitting up again," Cyler said in a steel tone that felt final. His words were like an ax on the lingering regret I had over the last few months. It felt like a fresh start, with all of them clinging to me as I left the last bit of my remorse to fall from my eyes. I was going to let go of the pity. I was going to release the fear. I was prepared to close the door on the bitter parts of our past so that we could take on the future together.

Chapter Four

I distinctly remembered falling asleep wrapped up in