Wings of the Walker - CoraLee June Page 0,181

was doing it to protect me—everything he does is for someone else. But when will he allow someone to look out for him? Looking back over the last few months, I realized that for all his talk and chastising, it was Maverick that was a martyr, not me.

Allaire came downstairs late in the afternoon. His nose was bloody and blue, but he didn’t bring it up. He simply shook Maverick’s hand, then asked, “Where do you need me? ”

There was a strange shift in power between them. Where before, they argued about decisions, now there was respect in Allaire’s eyes. It was like he understood Maverick’s potential and determination with certain clarity. Even though they were able to shake hands and work on the task at hand, I wasn’t in a place mentally to comprehend everything that happened. I couldn’t dwell on the way Maverick held Allaire at the tip of his needle or the blunt force of his punches, because it made me question everything I knew about my soft, kind, considerate Black brother.

When I brought Maverick a plate of dinner brought over by one of Cavil’s Walkers, he refused to make eye contact with me, and only responded with "Thanks." It hurt.

"Why don't you take five minutes and eat your dinner. Sit with me," I said softly. Maverick looked like he wanted to do anything but talk. However, instead of arguing, he simply nodded his head and followed me over to the couch nearby where Kemper was hunched over, looking over the mechanical elements of a spare fetter.

Maverick opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, and the next time he opened his mouth, instead of talking, he simply forced as much food into it as possible, prohibiting him from speaking. Cheeky bastard.

"Do you know when I first started to think that I could love you?" I watched as Maverick struggled to swallow, both wary and pleased by the direction this conversation was going.

He sipped water before answering. "No?"

"It was at the clinic with the Walker woman. I didn't exactly know what the feeling was then, but I do now. I admired you. I thought that only someone wise, compassionate, and full of empathy could sit and hold a stranger's hand as they died," I said. It felt wrong to recognize such a sad time as when I started to fall for Maverick, but sometimes tragedy bred new beginnings. Emotions from a time that seemed so far away still felt raw and consuming. "I shared a part of myself with you, but now I realize that it wasn't just you at the clinic. I was there, too. We both guided and cared for her together. I need you to include me. I need you to not take on the burdens by yourself, because we work better when we share them."

"It's hard not to feel like I'm alone in this. I feel a lot of pressure at the moment, Ash. I can’t think straight when the people I care about are threatened. If Cyler would have done the same as me, I doubt you’d be having this conversation,” he said while looking over at his brother who was talking to Huxley.

He was right. I’d almost come to expect that Cyler and Huxley were the brute force of the group. They were the ones I’d expect to do whatever was necessary to protect the group. Protect their people. Perhaps that’s why I felt so disconnected from the Maverick that acted on impulse. It was a side of him that I wasn’t familiar with. I was used to the meticulous humanitarian.

“You’re right,” I replied with a shrug. Maverick looked into my eyes, and I smiled while staring back. I wanted to tuck a piece of his fallen red-brown hair behind his ear. “I’ve come to expect that from Cyler, and even Hux. With you it was different, maybe because I see you as the person that fixes the broken, not the one that does the breaking. It’s unfair of me to put each of your personalities into little boxes. So, I’m sorry.”

Mavericks fingers found mine, and I was soothed by the touch. “But, can I at least say I’m worried about you?” I asked. “I think you wear your burdens differently than they do. When I saw you threaten Allaire’s life, it was like a dam cracking.”

“I’m tired of being the one that thinks through every problem. I’m tired of not being the one to get the job done. I