I blurted out. No one knew about that kiss. Not a single living soul except for Sean himself and I couldn’t keep it inside any longer. I needed to vent and rant and admit that it was a really good kiss. But I couldn’t tell my friends. They would read too much into it and go on a matchmaking campaign and it would make an annoying situation even more annoying.
The kiss meant nothing other than we had sexual chemistry, which was probably connected to the hatred we stirred in each other. It did not mean that we were meant for each other, which was what Savannah would claim.
“Yowsa,” Gus said, rubbing his white beard. “Being trapped in an elevator can lead to all kinds of stuff. So you didn’t go out with him or anything?”
“No. We got to the party and I ran away from him and I hadn’t seen him since until I found out he’s my new boss.”
“It’s a bad idea to sleep with the boss,” he said. “You give up all your power.”
“I’m not going to sleep with him.” I wanted to. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But I wasn’t going to. “But I don’t know how I’m supposed to work with him. Nico said if I can’t get along with Sean, he’ll fire me.”
Gus’s untrimmed and wild eyebrows shot up. “That seems harsh.”
“It’s totally unfair. I can’t control how Sean acts.” I could control myself though and trying to toss a drink in his face hadn’t exactly been exercising that control. “This is annoying and exhausting.”
“Suck it up, buttercup. Cooking food beside someone you don’t like is not exhausting. Working twenty-four-hour shifts on a submarine is exhausting.”
I made a face at him. “Thanks for your sympathy.”
It had been pointed out a time or two that I might be a whole lot like my grandfather. We cared but we had a difficult time showing it. Also, cynicism ran deep in our bones. It was a Kowalski trait. Yes, we were born that way but it didn’t help that my grandfather had lost his wife and his son and I had lost a grandmother and both parents. We were two cynics not so much clinging to each other as poking at each other with love.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Sure, it sounds like a raw deal. But you’re not the owner, Sid is. He can do whatever the hell he wants and you have to follow his rules. Just do what the new chef tells you to do and then hit the gym afterward and throw your fist into the punching bag.” He shrugged. “Either that or quit. Those are your options, kiddo.”
“Those options suck.”
“Yeah, well, so does unemployment.”
Gus had sold his own lucrative electrician’s business a few years earlier. He had rewired half the houses in the Hamptons in his heyday, so I wasn’t sure what he knew about unemployment.
I lay down on the couch, kicking my shoes off as I stared up at the ceiling. “You know what else sucks? My friends are all doing the couple thing. Leah and Felicia are married. Married. That’s crazy. Savannah is engaged and has a one-year-old son. The only one of our group still single is Dakota.”
“Aren’t you happy for your friends? Don’t be catty.”
“Of course I’m happy for them.” I folded my hands over my stomach. “I’m not jealous either. I’m just selfish. Who am I supposed to hang out with all the time? They’re moving on to the next phase in their lives and won’t have time for me.” It sounded really bratty when I said it out loud. But I didn’t mean it that way. I was just worried I was going to be lonely. I was used to having my girl gang at ready access whenever I wanted.
I didn’t like being alone. It took me back to being a teenager and losing both of my parents and feeling like I was a tiny grain of sand in a vast expanse of beach, shifting and rootless. When I had been forced to move from suburban New Jersey to Manhattan to live with Gus and my grandmother, I’d had a rough couple of years. Then I’d met Savannah and finally felt that, aside from my grandfather, I had a friend who would always have my back.
Gus didn’t say anything for so long I turned and glanced over at him to see why he wasn’t talking. He was grinning. “What? Why are you laughing