The woman gasped, holding a hand over her mouth. “How did you … who, who are you …”
“He’s sorry for stealing,” I said, looking ahead at the nodding head of the young man. “He put the rest of your money in the mattress. He didn’t spend it all.”
She turned her head toward where he sat. “He’s here?”
I nodded. “He’s sitting beside you. He goes to work with you every day. He wants you to know he admires what you’re doing for other addicts, but he doesn’t want you to think that you could’ve done something different for him. It was never going to be different.”
She turned to me and offered a weak smile. “I know. I mean, deep down, I know. But … it’s hard for me, as a mother, to accept that there was nothing I could do to save my son. I was …” Her lips pressed together, she shook her head, and her eyes filled with tears. “I was never going to be okay with burying my baby boy.”
The young man reached out and laid a hand over his mother’s shoulder, and I said, “He wants you to know how sorry he is for all the pain he caused you.”
She turned to face her invisible son and I wondered for a foolish moment if she could see him, and if she knew that she was staring directly into his eyes. My heart clenched at the sight. He looked so much like Vinnie, too much like him, and I envisioned him, dead and gone. I imagined him somewhere not here, somewhere not with me. I wondered if my sisters were right, whether it was too late for him and if I was doomed to get hurt in the end.
“It’s okay,” she whispered to the air. “Calling you mine was worth it, baby boy. It was always worth it, even when it hurt the most.”
***
“Hey, baby,” I said, walking into the apartment.
“Hey, Andy, get in here!”
“In where?” I asked, peering into the living room to find it neat and empty.
“Bedroom!”
I followed his voice and entered the room, where he lay in bed, bright-eyed and lively. It had been weeks since I’d seen him like this and weeks since I’d seen him genuinely smile, but there it was.
He pulled back the blanket, revealing his nudity and the empty spot beside him. “Get those clothes off and get in here,” he ordered, and I couldn’t help but laugh as I dropped my bags on the floor.
“You’re in a good mood today,” I noted, slowly unbuttoning my dress.
“I had a good night,” he said, watching my fingers as they moved.
“What’d you do without me?” I asked, opening the front of my dress with painstaking care, finally letting it slide off my shoulders and onto the floor.
“Missed you.” He reached out with wiggling fingers to grab the hem of my lace underwear and pulled me into bed.
“That’s a good answer,” I muttered, finding my lips pressed to his and his body over mine.
“It’s the only answer,” he replied, speaking into my open mouth and tugging my underwear down my thighs.
I was ready for the intrusion and we moaned in unison the moment we fit together. We made love then and it was vigorous, aggressive, and mind-bending. He touched me thoroughly, making sure that every part of my body knew it was wanted and appreciated, until all of my nerve endings sang in pleasurable chorus. And when it was over and he’d collapsed at my side, I couldn't help but grin stupidly at the ceiling.
“Oh, my God,” I sighed, snuggling my back against his chest. “That was amazing.”
“Mm-hmm,” he moaned, nodding into my neck.
“What's gotten into you?”
His arms tightened around my waist and his lips kissed my neck, before he asked, “What do you mean?”
I closed my eyes, smiling at the touch of his gentle lips against my skin. “It's just ... you've been so sad, and I dunno, you just seem ... better, I guess.”
“Well, maybe I feel better.”
I laughed, holding his arms tighter to me. “Oh, so you're saying, since I was gone last night, that made you feel better, huh?”
“No, sweetheart,” he muttered, his voice gruff against my neck. “There's lots of shit I wish would go away, but you ... you'll never be one of 'em.”
I breathed into the romance of the moment as his fingertips trickled with feathery touches over my stomach and to the apex of my thighs. I giggled, tipping my head back