When Darkness Ends (Moments in Boston #3) - Marni Mann Page 0,71

and two fairly large roles in long-standing Broadway plays.

I needed Ashe there to calm me. The nerves were already taking hold, and I hadn’t even gotten on the bus yet.

I shook my head, trying to push down whatever was blocking my throat. “I’m terrified.”

Just because this was my dream, the only thing I’d ever wanted, didn’t mean I wasn’t scared to death to make it a reality. That I wasn’t worried about landing a gig and being unemployed for too long and how I was going to afford our new place and the cost of living in this extremely expensive city. I had a fear of falling so hard on my ass that we would end up in a home that was worse than the one we lived in now.

“I just need you there, Ashe.”

His hand was on my cheek. “I’m sorry I’m letting you down, but you’re so strong, Pearl. I know you’re going to be just fine, and you’re going to nail those tryouts whether I’m there or not.”

What I also needed was for him to stop being so positive and admit how much this sucked. What I needed was for him to be angry about the situation, like I was.

What I needed was for him to be in New York with me.

“Where are you going?” he asked as I climbed off the bed.

“Home.”

“This is your home.”

His statement caused tears to move into my eyes. This place would be theirs for only a few more weeks, and then all of us would be going in separate directions.

“My other home.”

He followed me, reaching for my arm. “Why are you leaving?”

“I need some time to think. My head … feels like it’s going to explode.” I put my free hand on my chest, pushing against my lungs. “And I’m …” I swallowed, the words not coming to me. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“Pearl, don’t go.”

His fingers tightened on my wrist, and I pulled out of his grasp.

“I have to. I … need things to feel right, and they don’t at this moment.” I moved to his door. “I’ll call you the second I get home from New York.”

“Pearl—”

“I love you.”

I was halfway down his hallway when I heard, “I love you too.”

Air wheezed through my lungs, my chest throbbing as I opened his apartment door, and once it clicked behind me, the tears finally fell.

Fifty-One

After

Ashe

One of the brothers was dead, the other taken into custody, where he would battle out the death penalty in court. He would either die from lethal injection or behind bars as an old man, but prison was where that motherfucker was going to spend the rest of his life.

And now that I was home, I couldn’t get a goddamn minute of the last several hours out of my head.

I stripped off my tactical gear and locked my gun in the safe in my closet. My only wish as I walked back into my room was that it had been my bullet that caused Tamerlan Tsarnaev to take his last breath.

Now that it was all in the attorneys’ hands, it was time to repair our city. Lives had been lost; hundreds had been wounded. Even more were going to suffer from PTSD.

The spirit of Boston was in turmoil.

And my best friend was dead.

His fiancée and family inconsolable.

My plan was to drink until I couldn’t think.

I picked up the bottle of liquor that I’d placed on my nightstand on the way in, making sure the drapes were closed on every window before I climbed into bed. I unscrewed the top and held the glass mouth to my lips, swallowing until my throat burned so badly that I couldn’t take another sip.

I wanted to erase.

Forget.

Even if it was for a goddamn hour, I just needed a break from this pain.

It had been relentless, not letting up when I was in that fucking weirdo’s house, not when we were getting fired at by the bombers, not even when we took the sole survivor into custody.

It ate.

Soiled.

Churned.

And I couldn’t take it.

Before I began guzzling again, I shot off a text to my family, letting them know I was okay, and then I clicked on Alix’s last message.

Me: I don’t know how much news you’re watching right now, but it’s over. One dead, one in custody.

Alix: Just tell me you’re all right.

Me: I’m home. Safe. I’ll check on you tomorrow after my hangover.

“I didn’t think you were going to make it in today,” Rivera said when I took a seat