tell me “Ha! Just kidding!” I don’t want them here.
“Ryden!”
“Go away,” I force out, my voice hoarse.
“Ryden, it’s me. It’s Alan. We just got here—what happened?”
“Everything happened.”
“Did you get into a fight? Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”
“Dave. Shoshanna.”
“No, it’s Alan. Alan and Aimee. Ryden, open your eyes.”
“No. Shoshanna took my shirt. Dave hit me. I wanted him to.”
“Why the hell would you want him to hit you?”
“Because. Hurt is good.” The fragments inside me ache. “She did it on purpose. She blamed me and she wanted to punish me and said she loved me but she really hated me. And I hate her too. I hate her. She ruined everything.”
Alan hesitates for a minute. “I’m calling your mom.”
“No.” I force my good eye open. “No. Don’t.” I try to sit up, to show him I’m fine, that he doesn’t need to call my mother, but the whole world tilts and the ground meets my face with a crash.
“Ryden, it’s Aimee,” Aimee says. “Let us help you.”
“Aimee Nam. Did you know Alan here was in looove with Meg Reynolds? She made everyone love her.”
I hear the sound of someone pushing buttons on a phone. “Deanna? It’s Alan Kang…I’m fine, how are you? Listen, I’m calling because of Ryden. I just got to this party at Shoshanna Harvey’s and he’s here and got in a fight with Dave, and he’s really upset and I don’t really know what to do…yeah, I think so…yeah…I can try to get him in my car, or maybe you can come—”
“No!” I shout, stopping him.
“What?”
“No way.” I shake my head. It hurts like hell. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here.”
“Ryden, you can’t stay here. You’re hurt. And you’re going to freeze to death.”
“Tell my mother she is abslo…I mean absolutely not allowed to come here.” I turn my face into the ground. Smells like dirt. “Hope can’t see this. And she better not leave her with that Deckland guy.”
“Did you hear that?” Alan says into the phone. “Yeah, so…oh. No, I think he’ll be fine. He’s conscious, obviously… What? Who…? Okay…okay, I will. I’ll call you back.”
Alan grabs my phone from my pocket. This time he walks away to make his call. He’s probably calling an ambulance and doesn’t want me to hear. Or the mental institution people to have them take me away and lock me up.
“Aimee?” I ask. “You still here?”
“Yeah,” she says.
“Can you go away please?” Everyone, just go away.
There’s a pause. “Sure, Ryden.” She walks away. “I’m going to wait in the car, Alan.”
“I’ll meet you there,” he calls back.
Hallelujah. Now I can wallow in my self-pity without interruption.
It’s quiet. Or as quiet as it can be with a rager inside the house a few yards away. But this little spot on the ground near the bushes is peaceful. I have nothing left—no more tears, no more words, no more booze or food or puke. I’m done.
It’s cold, but cold is nothing. I wrap my arms around myself and drift off to sleep.
• • •
I wake to someone’s hands on my face. Someone’s speaking, but I can’t make out the words. My good eye flies open, and the whole left side of my face pulsates with agony. Damn, Dave really got me good. The cool hands on my cheek feel nice though.
I try to focus through the dark. I don’t think I’m drunk anymore. I blink a few times, and the face in front of me becomes clear. Her nose ring is a tiny gold hoop today.
Joni.
Chapter 31
“Joni?” I sit up.
Her fingers graze lightly across my bruises. “What happened?” she whispers.
For the time it takes me to suck in one long, deep breath and let it out slowly, everything’s okay.
And then the situation becomes real.
Holy shit. Joni cannot be here.
I glance to my left, where Alan and Aimee are standing a few feet away, watching. I thought they left. But no, of course they didn’t. My mom told Alan to call Joni. That’s why he needed my phone. They were just letting me sleep while they waited for her to show up.
“How did you get here?” I ask, stalling.
“I borrowed Elijah’s car. What’s going on?”
“It’s a long story,” I say, grabbing her hand and removing it from my face.
“Well, lucky for you, I’ve got nothing but time,” she says. She sits on the ground next to me and rummages through her giant bag, producing an oversized scarf. She wraps it around my shoulders. I’m instantly warmer.
“What did Alan say when