about her work, but she doesn’t know if she’s taking the promotion and, I don’t know, there’s something else, I just don’t know what it is. I know she’s just had a car crash, I don’t expect amazing company, but there’s something wrong and I don’t know what it is.
I’m worried for Jess and normally (just in case you haven’t noticed) I’m only worried about me.
Luke arrives and he’s as disapproving as ever.
I see his eyes run over my roots. I see him glance down at my expanding body and I feel his eyes take in my rather scruffy house as he walks through and then his eyes land on the glasses on the coffee table.
‘Brandy?’ He looks at me. ‘With a head injury?’
He’s pissed off, I can tell.
‘It’s a bruise,’ Jess says and she tells him the state of the car and what happened, but when she tells Luke, she says that it was completely the other guy’s fault and then he says it’s time to get her home. He thanks me for taking care of her.
I hear his sarcastic barb but, as Jess gets in the car, he walks over to me.
‘Are you taking care of yourself?’
‘Yes.’
He stands and jiggles his keys for a moment. ‘We’ll get the money sorted.’
‘Thank you.’
‘You can afford to go the hairdresser’s, Lucy,’ he tries to make a joke. ‘You’re not that broke.’
‘I know.’
And then his keys jiggle again.
I wish he’d just go.
‘How’s Charlotte?’
‘Okay,’ I say and then I shake my head, because, no, she’s not. ‘I guess it’s early days.’
‘Have you thought about seeing your GP?’
I nod. ‘She’s got an appointment next week.’
‘I meant, for you.’
For me?
Because my house isn’t immaculate and my roots aren’t done?
Arrogant prick.
I don’t say that though, I just say goodnight and give Jess a smile and a wave, but as soon as they drive off, I head back into the house and I start to tidy it.
Really tidy it.
I start in the kitchen and when the washing up is done I wipe down the benches and I remember to put out our breakfast things – for all the routines I’ve broken, that one’s remained.
I go through to the lounge and I polish.
And then, while the ironing board is still up, I get a whole lot done.
I start to feel better.
I head upstairs and Luke’s words still irk.
As if Doctor Patel can help.
She didn’t get me even before it all happened, she certainly won’t get me now.
I take off my boots and I glance at the clock and set my alarm.
It’s three am and I’m too tired to undress, in fact I’m too tired to even get in the bed, so I lie on top, though, I’m actually not that tired. I just lie there thinking and maybe Luke’s right about one thing.
Maybe it is time to see Ricky.
Just not yet.
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
Get it together Lucy.
I drop Charlotte at school and I go to the stables.
Good news awaits, because the float has sold.
Nearly four thousand pounds!
But I don’t want to get rid of her tack.
‘Sort it Lucy.’ I can hear his voice.
I’m trying to sort it – I’m trying to sort out the mess you left, I think, as I pick up shit for the last time and hose down Noodle’s old stable. There are flies everywhere and it’s a filthy job but, now I’m here, now I’ve set my mind to it, I get it done in a few hours.
I want her to have a pony.
I want her to be happy again.
It’s been six weeks and, if anything, she’s worse.
I’m worse.
It’s going to get better, I tell myself, as I pick up her tack and load it into the car.
She will get a pony.
So, instead of polishing it up to go on eBay, I stack it in the garage and I cover it up, because I don’t want the constant reminders for her.
It’s already after three, so I head to the school. I almost droop with relief when I pick her up and she tells me she’s been invited to sleep at a friend’s tonight and that they’re all having pizza.
She packs up a little bag and I drive her to her friends.
‘I shan’t come in,’ I smile when invited. ‘I’ve been at the stables.’
That’s the mad thing about the village - you can look and smell like shit, just as long as you’re wearing boots and have been at the stables.