given Luke’s an accountant and how close they were, he’s sort of dealing with that side of things and I want this dealt with right now. ‘I want to know my options.’ I feel sick, I honestly feel sick. It never dawned on me; it never entered my head that it might come to this. We have mortgage insurance and life-insurance but not much else. It would seem that my late husband hasn’t just been screwing her, he's been wining and dining her too and there are the credit card bills to prove it. She got flowers and champagne and hotel rooms.
I’ll stand up in court if I have to, I'll tell those children what a cheating bastard their father was - but then, a mocking voice inside my head chimes up – they already know that – after all, he left them for me.
The front door opens and it’s my mum bringing back Charlotte. I asked her to pick up the dress that I’ve chosen for Charlotte for tomorrow.
It’s linen and a very dark navy, because I don’t want her wearing black. It’s beautiful.
Or it was.
‘I’ve saved you sixty pounds,’ Mum says as I rip it out of her hands. She’s been to the market again. ‘Lucy, you can’t tell the difference,’ she responds to my protests.
Till Charlotte self-combusts.
‘It’s acrylic!’ My face contorts. ‘She’ll have sparks coming off her when she walks. Jesus, Mum.’ I’m raging; she does this sort of thing all the time! ‘One thing! The ONE THING that I ask you to do and you go and stuff it up.’
‘Lucy!’ It’s another warning from Luke but Jess steps in.
‘She’s upset, Valerie.’ Jess takes Mum off to the kitchen for a cup of tea and Charlotte is pleading for Jess and Luke to stay. I know they won’t say no to her but my head is pounding. I just want to go and lie down.
I want to be Eleanor.
Instead, Luke drives Mum home and then, once he’s back, Charlotte heads off to bed and we start setting up the lounge and things.
‘Bonny had another go at me.’ I haven’t got the energy to move furniture. I honestly don’t. I don’t think I’ve got the energy to even get upstairs to bed.
I flop on the sofa and close my eyes and I think there might even be a couple of tears, because they actually hurt as they slide out. ‘Do you think Gloria will be there tomorrow?’ I’m scared to face her at his funeral; I’m scared of having all his kids here in this room. I’m scared to have everybody looking at me and so many with loathing - for so many reasons I'm dreading tomorrow and I especially don’t want to see Gloria.
‘I'm not sure if she’s coming,’ Luke says. ‘She might want to be there for her daughters.’
That’s another thing you don't think of when you marry that sexy older guy, you don't think of his funeral.
‘I’m going to contest,’ I suddenly say. It’s been on my mind since he told me the news and I’ve made up my mind now.
‘Just leave it for now,’ Jess suggests.
‘I’ve made up my mind,’ I say. ‘I’ve got no choice.’
‘You could sell the house and get something smaller.’ Luke chimes in.
‘What?’
‘Well, it’s pretty big just for you and Charlotte. It's a lot to maintain on your own.’ My head is spinning, thinking of the cleaner, the gardener, the windows. All the people I’ll have to pay and I won't have any money because he’s left it to his children. ‘Do you really need five bedrooms?’ Luke asks. He’s enjoying this, I’m sure. He’s not smiling of course and no one, not even Jess could guess, but I know that he's enjoying this, enjoying watching Princess Lucy get her come-uppance.
I love my house, and I'm not giving it up. I’m not having Charlotte change her school, or leave her home, just because her dad couldn't keep it in his pants. I’m not going under just because he took too much stuff to keep it up. Especially not when he wouldn’t even use it for me…
‘You don't have to think about it now,’ Jess says gently. ‘Though it might be something to consider. It’s a very big house and all those bedrooms…’
‘I wanted another baby,’ I start to cry. ‘The front one was going to be a nursery, we were going to try…’ That shuts them up; Jess comes around the table and puts her arms around me. I'm sure