We Have Till Dawn - Cara Dee Page 0,59

many emotions were surging within me, and I couldn’t shake the nausea. The only thing I knew for certain was that I’d screwed up royally.

My chest hurt. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think.

Anthony rolled up in his black truck, and I met his cautious expression when I jumped in and slammed the door shut.

“I made a complete fool of myself.”

I wanted to throw up.

He winced and pulled away from the curb. “Tell me what happened.”

“Nicky. You can’t lie here all day.”

“Watch me,” I mumbled around a spoonful of ice cream. Once we’d gotten back to the apartment, I’d showered, changed into sweats and a tee, created the biggest ice cream sundae for myself, then thrown myself onto the bed with my phone. And I wasn’t going nowheres.

Maybe I’d stay here until Gideon’s pillow stopped smelling like him.

Anthony sighed and sat down at my keyboard but turned the chair so he could face me.

“You don’t gotta babysit me,” I said. I kinda wanted to be alone, because I had an itch to go through my pictures. I had three of Gideon and two of him and me, silly and sweet selfies from our walks—okay, one of them was of the dirty variety. He’d taken the photo with my phone when I was blowing him. But all I wanted right now were the silly-sweet pics.

Anthony checked his watch. “Ruby will be here in an hour.”

“And she will be about as entertained as you are now.” I punched the pillows behind me into comfortable perfection, then leaned back with my ice cream and my phone. Legs crisscrossed under the covers, ice cream bowl on my lap. “Listen. I can’t even tell you how thankful I am for you—and Ruby—but I’m gonna host this pity party with or without you. That includes ice cream, playing my game on my phone, and probably inhaling Gideon’s scent on the pillows.”

He smiled ruefully. “You know there’s still a chance, bambino.”

“Please don’t.” I shook my head and started a new level on my game. “I might need you tomorrow instead. Today I’mma wallow in despair.”

I’d thought it would come out as a half-assed joke, but it fucking hurt.

“I’ll leave you be and call off Ruby—on one condition,” he said. “You come to my place tonight if things don’t go well with Gideon. I can pick you up.”

I nodded, agreeing, because that was already my plan. And if he was bringing his truck, I might as well bring all my shit. There wasn’t a chance in hell I could stay here another night.

“I’ll call you,” I promised.

“Bene.” He rose from his seat and patted my knee. “I’ll be at Pop’s for a while. He needs help fixing the radiator in his bedroom, but I’ll keep my phone close.”

“You can fix radiators, but you can’t make noodles,” I mumbled, swiping a raspberry over a tomato on the screen.

Anthony laughed on his way out.

Gideon, that fucking bastard.

I sniffled and wiped at my cheek, and I couldn’t even be happy about beating a really difficult level in my game, ’cause all I had in my head was something he had put there. The idea of having children.

I couldn’t stop picturing it.

Before—never. Hadn’t entered my mind. Or, I mean, something for “way down the road.” Since there were so many obstacles before it became relevant. I needed a steady job, a home, solid income—and preferably a partner. Now I’d gotten the slightest glimpse of what that life could be like.

Gideon would make a good father.

He and I would make a great team. We had such different qualities, and combined…yeah. We’d nail that shit.

Maybe we’d have a boy and a girl? Or two brothers and a sister?

I sighed heavily and tossed my phone next to me. The grief rolled over me as I pulled the duvet higher, and I got weepy again because I couldn’t sniff the pillow when my nose was stuffy.

The embarrassment from earlier today decided to come back too.

I’d been an idiot. Showing up unannounced was annoying to most people; he didn’t have to be autistic for that. But to him… Christ. The slightest surprise turned into an ambush. And there I’d been, talking about how I’d pay attention to his needs?

I was a joke.

My stomach snarled with hunger, and I ignored it. I’d had three bowls of ice cream. That was enough. I’d racked up an impressive stack of dishes on the nightstand.

Tonight I’d be back in Anthony’s guest room. Later tonight. Technically, it was already night. A