asked Maggie Armitage with some pride. The doorway of the small nineteenth-century brick building on Prince of Wales Road was illuminated by a garish red neon sign that read: CHAPEL OF HOPE. ‘I got it from the council when the old tenants moved out. Not enough hope in the vicinity, apparently. We’ve been shifted from our eyrie above the World’s End pub in Camden Town.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ said Bryant. ‘Don’t tell me the landlords disapproved of your pagan gatherings.’
‘They turned a blind eye to our midnight madrigals, but drew the line at our attempts to summon Beelzebub. Now they’re planning to build a mall on the site. Have you noticed that every London building eventually becomes a shoe shop? Camden is already the bad-footwear capital of the world. Old gods are no match for new money. But it’s nice to be in a real chapel. I had a bash at deconsecrating the area of worship this morning, but I’ve run out of salt. Spiritual decommissioning isn’t a straightforward process. The guidebooks all differ. Some people say you’re supposed to return the sanctified altar sheath to a church. Others simply recommend a lick of paint. Wendy, our organist, says you can sing hymns backwards over it, but frankly she has enough trouble playing forwards. I think we’ve lessened the aura of sanctimonious monotheism, but we can’t get rid of the damp. And the local drunks have a habit of weeing in the porch. Is that why Christian temples reek of rot, I wonder? Who’s your friend?’
‘This is David, honorary junior police officer for today. He lives nearby.’
‘Come in.’ Maggie took his hand. ‘Are you a believer?’
‘In what?’ asked the boy.
‘The darker arts, the lost spirituality of a doomed and wandering humankind.’
David stared at her as if she was mad.
‘Do you at least try to keep an open mind?’
‘Don’t know.’
‘That’s the best we can expect these days, I suppose. Come through.’ She led the way between the oaken pews of the dingy main hall to a small paper-strewn office at the rear. Silver chains, icons and baubles hung from her bosom like miniature wind-chimes. Maggie’s eyes closed to crescents when she smiled, which she did often and broadly, revealing strong white teeth. Bedecked in bracelets, with tortoiseshell slides and two pairs of spectacles in her fiery red hair, the diminutive witch was as merry as a Christmas tree.
‘What’s that extraordinary odour?’ asked Bryant, sniffing the air.
‘My new herbal incense. Can you smell lavender?’
‘No, it’s more like burning ants.’
‘Oh, that. Yes, something’s living in the rafters. I’ve put down poison, but I think it’s eating through the wood. If only Crippen hadn’t disappeared during the move.’
‘How strange. I just found a cat called Crippen. At least, that’s what I named it.’
‘Small, black and white, male? Piece missing from the left ear? A bit squiffy-eyed?’
‘Exactly so.’ Bryant was delighted.
‘Benign fate! You’ve found my familiar. That means his aura is intact.’
‘Perhaps, but his toilet training leaves much to be desired. I’ll bring him round later.’
Maggie handed out some brochures. ‘We’re on a membership drive. If you know anyone who’s interested in the occult and can handle a hod, we need some strong hands to help us restore the place.’ A huge bearded man suddenly lurched into the doorway. ‘I was just making tea for an old friend of yours.’
‘Arthur, dear fellow! How delightfully efficacious!’ Raymond Kirkpatrick, English-language professor, gripped Bryant’s hand and pumped it hard. Tall and stooped, he appeared at first to be covered in a light shower of grey dust, and on closer inspection, was. ‘I’m helping Margaret clear out her reliquary. I thought we might find something of epistolary antiquarian value, but so far all I’ve found is several dozen copies of Razzle, presumably tucked away by the choirboys.’
‘Professor Kirkpatrick is one of England’s leading experts in semantics and cryptography,’ Bryant explained to the dumbfounded boy. ‘He likes words.’ He decided not to describe the bizarre circumstances that had led Kirkpatrick to be dishonourably discharged from the Met. The professor had once dated a six-foot Zimbabwean girl, who had, to his shame and horror, turned out to be fifteen, false documents having been provided by her parents in an effort to marry her off. The Home Office had branded him a paedophile and arranged his expulsion, and, although the subsequent investigation had exonerated him of everything but poor judgement, Kirkpatrick had become an unemployable outcast. Every time the PCU used him, Bryant logged Kirkpatrick’s invoice under an assumed name. He