my voice coming out like little shards of ice. Then, as much as it pained me, I did what I should've done before we’d even gotten into the car.
I released his hand.
I wanted to believe I heard Jude let out the softest of whimpers, but I knew it was just my hungry brain trying to pull one over on me.
I still had my hand on the bench seat between us. The last thing I expected Jude to do was to rub the pinky of his right hand against my left one. I let out a harsh breath at the simple contact that spoke volumes. I knew then that if I wanted him, I could have him. He wouldn't deny me.
And that was exactly the problem.
I yanked my hand away and fisted it on my lap so I wouldn't reach for him. But even that wasn't enough, so I growled, “Don't," again and then moved to the opposite seat.
He’s a job. He's just a job, I reminded myself. I kept chanting that thought over and over in my head as the SUV wound its way through the congested streets. But no matter how many times I repeated it to myself, by the time we reached Jude's building, I still didn't believe it.
Chapter 10
Jude
He was pissed.
There was no doubt about that. I just wasn't sure if he was pissed at me or the situation. It was probably a little bit of both, considering how he'd yanked his hand away from mine when I’d foolishly reestablished our physical contact. I wasn't even sure what I'd been thinking in that moment. I'd just felt so empty and alone after he'd pulled his hand from mine.
God, I’d really fucked things up. My brain had been going a million miles a minute from the time I'd left work tonight and I hadn't been able to calm myself no matter what I’d tried. There were only a few things that ever worked to settle my mind when it was so far gone.
Working out was one of them, but I'd been doing enough of that to wear out my body without having any kind of impact on my brain. That had left option number two.
Sex.
Anonymous, no strings, hard, hot sex.
I would've liked to say that Nikolai's presence hadn’t had any impact on my decision to go out, but in reality, it'd had everything to do with it. He was quickly becoming the cause of the endless bouts of crazy moments in my head. I couldn't tell if I was coming or going when I was around the man. When he was gone, I couldn't stop thinking about where he was or if he was okay. When he was on my ass all day, all I could think about was having him on my ass. Or in it, rather.
I'd been besieged by endless fantasies of him taking me in my office. I’d feel the cool glass of my desk against my belly as he pressed me down onto it and rubbed himself along my crease. His firm lips would trace a path of heat along my spine and up to my neck and then he'd whisper everything he was going to do to me in my ear. I was completely helpless and at his mercy. And my mind was blissfully quiet and focused on him.
Only him.
But there’d been no hard fuck on top of my desk. There’d only been more tension between us and the growing knowledge that Nikolai thought I was nothing more than a slut using my body to swindle an old man out of an inheritance and a job. I'd told myself I didn't care what Nikolai thought of me, but I hadn't been able to convince myself of it.
So the anxiety, frustration, and helplessness had built and built until I’d finally hit on the idea of going to the club and letting someone else take on the burden of clearing out my mind for me. Like always, the music had begun to sink into my bones as the alcohol had heated my blood, making the world start to fall away. By the time I'd moved onto the dance floor, I’d felt marginally better and hadn't been as desperate for an actual hookup as I'd been when I'd arrived.
Everyone in that club had ceased to exist except for me and Nikolai. I'd wanted him to see me. To see how I moved. To see a side of me that no one else knew about. I’d secretly