Warning Track (Callahan Family #1) - Carrie Aarons Page 0,71
now, as I look at the pile of papers on my at-home desk that my assistant dropped off a few hours ago, I can barely concentrate.
My heart physically hurts. It didn’t feel this way when my father was arrested, or any time throughout his trial. No, by breaking up with Hayes, I’m pretty sure I’ve broken it beyond repair. Of course, I regret it, of course, I wish he’d come through that door, scoop me up into the world’s most epic kiss.
But the rational side of me knows I did the right thing. If anyone else besides Walker had discovered us, there would have been dire consequences, for both of us. I’ve fallen in love with the one person who is off-limits, and I am paying the price. While it was the smart decision, not the emotional one, it doesn’t mean I can’t sulk in my own heartbreak for a few days.
The end of my relationship isn’t the only thing on my mind, though. Hayes’ words keep plaguing me, about how I’m giving my father more power by not addressing him or confronting how upset I am. They taunt at me, as do the interviews my father has done. I’ve betrayed my strong stance on not watching them and fell down a rabbit hole last night. That hole was full of self-loathing, doubt, and feeling like general crap. My father implied things about me that he’d never say to my face—all for fifteen minutes of fame.
It got me angry enough, and even more so now, that I stomp to my kitchen. I’m done leaving that letter there, mocking me from its hiding place.
Pulling open the junk drawer, I reach all the way to the bottom before my brain can stop me. Furiously, I rip it open, as if I’m pulling off a Band-Aid instead of going slow.
Once it’s out and I can make out the chicken-scratch scrawl of my father’s handwriting, one that is as familiar to me as my own is, I begin reading.
Colleen,
You’ve refused to answer my calls or meet with my attorney, so I am forced to communicate with you this way. I’m disappointed that my only daughter didn’t stand up in court to defend me, much less come down here to visit me in prison. I may have skirted the system, but I did that damn job better than anyone who has ever done it before.
I may be one of the only people who knows about your grandfather’s will, but don’t think that secret will stay buried for long. I tried to teach and train you as best as I could, but I have no doubt that will all be in vain. You’re not cut out for this industry, or what it takes to achieve success. You are soft, Colleen, and the organization needed someone like me at its helm.
We are family, like it or not, I am your father. You should be here for me in my time of need, instead of being a selfish brat I didn’t raise you to be. Although, don’t forget you never wanted for anything.
You’re in for a rude awakening when the season starts. You think you know hard work? I’m laughing in my cell just thinking about how unprepared you are.
Come see me, Colleen. That isn’t a request. I am your father, show some respect.
Love,
Dad
I’m not sure what I thought that letter would contain, but I certainly didn’t expect this. Foolishly, I hoped my father would have given me an apology. That he would say sorry for putting me in this position, for jeopardizing something our family worked so hard for. That he was wracked with grief about the fact that he wouldn’t be able to be in my life for the foreseeable future.
Instead, he’s threatened me, degraded me … I can hear all the ugliness inside him poured out onto this page. I’m glad I didn’t read this before spring training, back when he sent it. It would have destroyed me even more. I doubt myself every day, never feel like I’m good enough, but at least I’ve been on the job for a few months now and feel like I have a good grasp on it. My father’s words would have dismantled that before I’d even begun.
And to sign it “love”? No wonder I have no idea how to trust a man, or allow someone to see the most vulnerable parts of me. This is the love I was raised on.