Warning Track (Callahan Family #1) - Carrie Aarons Page 0,70
about the people who raise us, Col, or the lack thereof. Or the ones who do stick around and follow their own complexes and egos instead of giving us the love we deserve. You get to choose who you let into your life, and who gets to love you. I think you’ve got some damn good people around you, and you’re lucky that they are blood. You’re lucky to know where you came from. I was bitter for a long time that I was alone in this world, and then Bryant and Ronnie came along. And then you did, too. Let me love you. Let me be here for you.”
Everything he’s saying should be exactly what I want to hear, but it won’t penetrate my ice-cold heart. The more and more I’ve thought about it over the past week, the less and less I think that we can actually work long term.
“We can’t do this anymore. We’re bound to get caught.” My voice cracks, because losing him is the last thing I want.
There just isn’t any other way I can see this working, though. And before I fall even deeper into him, though Lord knows I’m already there, the worse it’s going to break me.
“But I love you. And you told me you love me, too.” Hayes’ voice has a note of pleading as he says this like it’s the simplest idea in the world.
“Love doesn’t solve everything, Hayes.” My temper flares. “What were we going to do after the season ends? Are you leaving? Are you signing our contract? Either way, we can’t go public. How much longer can we realistically do this? We’ll either end up resenting each other for all that we can’t be, or it will blow up in our faces. You heard Walker, I’m acting just like my father. I won’t turn into him.”
“So instead, you want to end this? We can figure this out. I know those questions weigh heavy, I’ve been posing them to myself. Don’t do this right now, though, baby.”
I dare to look him right in the eye, at least giving us that much dignity. “When should we do it then? It’s coming, we both know it.”
My voice is miserable, and a tear leaks down my cheek. I don’t want to end things; I don’t want to shut out the only man I’ve ever truly loved. But today only underscores what our lives could become. We’re hiding in the shadows, operating illegally, exactly like my father did. And I’ve always been the type of woman who put her career, the family business, ahead of her own personal needs. It’s time for me to step up and do just that.
Even if it breaks my own heart.
“I made a promise to myself and to our organization when Dad went away. I made a promise to my grandfather a long time ago, that I would be the next generation of the Callahan dynasty. I can’t do those things if I’m lying. Please, don’t make me.” I shake my head in sorrow, silently begging Hayes to go quietly.
Dropping his head to look at the floor, I read his body language. It’s an expression of something I rarely ever see on Hayes Swindell. Defeat.
“If this is what you want, then I guess I can’t say anything to change your mind. I love you. I probably always will.”
They’re the saddest words I’ve ever heard spoken, and as I hear him close my sliding glass door behind him and sneak off into the night, I collapse on my elbows.
They say that curling up with sweets is the cure for a broken heart, of which there are plenty on my counters. But I just slink into bed, tossing the covers over my fully-clothed body, and cry myself to sleep.
33
Colleen
I opt to work from home the next day, even though the team is traveling to Louisiana to play their first league championship game.
There is no way I can even face pulling up to the ballpark, not with my eyes swollen and red the way they are. Sure, I could pass it off that I’m upset about all the news coverage drudging up my father’s arrest again. But if I’m confronted with the large banners and posters of Hayes hung all around the ballpark, I might lose it.
It feels unprofessional not to be on that plane either, and Uncle Daniel was surprised I wasn’t going to attend the first game of a playoff-worthy team I’d helped create.