seeing him walk through the rain toward the coffee shop, and I had the strangest feeling this man was someone important to me, to my life, or would be. It had been like a tiny moment of pre-cognition, a recognition of some elemental fact.
I always thought something in him matched something in me. I used to think it was my inner, hidden away wildness matched his outer one. Now I know his wildness obliterates mine. I think it’s more that we simply recognize something in one another. We both lost people young, and we were both betrayed by those who were meant to love us. My mother betrayed me through no fault of her own because she couldn’t deal with the agony of life. My father betrayed me by walking out and leaving behind a small child.
It left a deep need in me to find someone to love me and protect me. In Konstantin those same betrayals left a deep need to avoid loving someone for fear they’d let him down. In one another, we found what we needed. He found someone he could finally let his guard down with and trust, and I found the protector I’ve been searching for all these years.
Sexually, we fit perfectly. We’re dynamite together. We both love similar things too. I hope over time the base for what we have can be something we can build on. A way to make something long-term.
“My mum killed herself,” I tell him.
“I’m sorry,” he says. He takes my hand in his free one and squeezes.
“She left me,” I shrug. “That’s how it feels. I understand she wasn’t in her right mind. No one who does that is. It’s always felt a little like she left me, betrayed me.”
“I’ll never betray you,” he says.
“I know.”
Konstantin is upfront. If he one day woke up and decided he couldn’t stand the sight of me, he’d let me know. He wouldn’t sneak around behind my back or play games. He’d be honest and tell me it isn’t working for him anymore. The thought makes me feel sick, though, so I push it away.
“I won’t betray you,” I tell him. “I realize you’ve had a lot of people shit on you, Konstantin, but you have people in your corner. You have me, Michael, and you have Andrius. I don’t believe that man would ever betray you. He’s harsh, but he’s upfront. Also, I don’t believe Bohdan would ever turn his back on you.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” I say simply. “I think he kind of sees you as a father figure.”
“Jesus, Cassie, I’m not that much older than him.”
I giggle. “You get what I mean. He looks up to you, and I think you’ve got his loyalty for life.”
I don’t mention Vasily because frankly I don’t like him, and I don’t know how trustworthy he is. My dislike of him clouds my judgment. I might not like Bohdan either, but I’ve softened some to him, mostly because of the fact I can tell he hero worships Konstantin and would do anything for him.
“I love you,” I tell him. Then I lean forward and kiss him.
Chapter Nineteen
Konstantin
We land in a gray and cloudy UK. The weather is awful, my mood is not. For the first time in years I feel a sense of excitement.
When Andrius first presented me with his plan, I thought about it because I wanted Cassie and Michael to be safe. I believed it would be a loss to me personally, but worth it for a greater good. But as time has passed and the idea has settled, I’ve found myself becoming excited to do something new.
I’ve always been someone who wants to get to the top, be the best. I’m at the top of the game when it comes to organized crime in Moscow. No one dares to cross me. Whether or not Vasily and Bohdan can hold that line is another matter, but it won’t be my problem. It will be theirs. I’m also at the top of my game with my legal business, and if I’m honest, it slowly started to get old. I still got a rush from either turning a business around or selling it for a profit, but nothing like those early days.
My bank balance is ridiculous. I don’t have to do a second’s more work, and I can spend the rest of my life in luxury. I often find that rich people come in two categories: those who know the price of everything and the value of