“Yes. He beat up a man who hurt my mum. This was a long time ago, and I can’t remember the man at all. I know Grandpa beat him up because he hit my mum and threatened her; he wouldn’t leave her alone. Grandpa went to his house and attacked him when they got into an argument. Afterward, he had a conviction for a violent offense, and they wouldn’t let me stay with him.”
Konstantin shifts and holds me tighter. “But there were, damn what’s the word, erm … extenuating, yes? There were extenuating circumstances.”
“I know, and I don’t blame Grandpa at all, but it’s why for a long time whenever Mum got too sick to care for me, I would be shoved into foster care for a period of time.”
“How did it change? How did you finally get placed with your grandparents?”
I look at him and smile. “My grandpa hired a lawyer, but it cost him all the money he had. He fought in court to become my guardian, so if anything did happen to Mum, I'd have a safe home. Thank God he did because only months later, Mum died.”
“Christ, Cassie. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, I’ve dealt with it,” I lie.
I haven’t, though, have I? My whole life I’ve craved someone to care for me. A haven, if you will, from the storms of life. Oh, I have that wild streak Konstantin says he saw in me, but I can only explore that if I have a firm anchor, and so far, I haven't managed to find one.
If only Konstantin would be my anchor, and I could be his, and then we could fly together.
Chapter Ten
Konstantin
Cassie said the name of the woman who was her foster parent when the attempted assault happened. I don’t think she realizes that she did. Later that morning, while Cassie is showering and getting ready for the day, I look up the name of the woman she mentioned, limiting my search to the area of London where Cassie grew up, and then I do a search in relation to fostering.
It takes some time but, eventually, I find her and her piece of shit husband. A piece of shit husband who still has vulnerable young girls placed with him. Once I’m finished in Paris, I’m going to be paying him a visit. He won’t hurt any other girls if I can help it.
I need to sort things out at the office today. I’ve completely dropped the ball on my legitimate business interests, but luckily, Margaret is effective at keeping things going in my absence. I also need to check in on Michael. Make sure the Bianchis are treating him well.
Then whenever the hospital calls to tell me it’s time with Liza, I must go and be with her mother. I don’t want to. Not for the reasons I let Cassie think. It’s more complicated. I might hate Liza in many ways, but I don’t want to be there when they coldly and dispassionately take her baby out of her and then turn her life off like a switch. I’ve seen a lot of death, but usually the death I see is during violent skirmishes or war. You don’t process at the time. You can’t. For some that leads to PTSD or other issues, but for me? I’ve always been able to push it away after the fact. This time, I’m going to have to be fully present while someone loses their life. Someone who had half her head blown off.
Someone I’ve been inside.
Fuck.
I swallow and wonder what the fuck is happening to me. I’m going soft. Cassie is what’s happening to me. She’s changing me, and not for the better. I can’t be like this, I need to be tough, willing to do whatever it takes. Yet with Cassie, I’ve become malleable. Shit, I need to make things safe here and bring her grandparents back home so she can go on with her life.
The thought makes my chest ache, and I rub at it, unfamiliar with the sensation. It’s one I’ve not felt for a long time. Not since Yulia was killed. That sensation? That’s what gets men like me killed, and that’s why, no matter how much it pains me to do so, I must let Cassie go.
I’m in the middle of a meeting with Margaret when I get the call. It’s Liza’s time. They are delivering the baby, and then they will take Liza off life support. I call Cassie to