let her know when he was displeased, and not answer back when she began to send thoughts of greater intimacy than he could deal with. After a while, if he did this, she would always go away. He’d feel sorry, then.
He was in a bad mood today, though, and so, when he became aware of her, the question he sent was sharp and unaccommodating.
Do you feel it? Leila asked, and his heart skipped a beat, because for the first time ever he sensed a fear in her.
Fear in others made him strong, so as to reassure. He sent, I’m uneasy, a little. What is it?
And then his life began to end. For Leila sent, Oh, Finn, Finn, Finn, and with it an image.
Of the ta’kiena on the green, when she had chosen him.
So that was it. For a moment he quailed and could not hide it from her, but the moment passed. Looking out at the lake, he drew a deep breath and realized that his uneasiness had gone. He was deeply calm. He had had a long time to accept this thing and had been a long time waiting.
It’s all right, he sent to Leila, a little surprised to realize that she was crying. We knew this was going to come.
I’m not ready, Leila said in his mind.
That was a bit funny: she wasn’t being asked to do anything. But she went on, I’m not ready to say good-bye, Finn. I’m going to be all alone when you go.
You’ll have everyone in the sanctuary.
She sent nothing back. He supposed he’d missed something, or not understood. No help for it now. And there was someone else who was going to miss him more.
Leila, he sent. Take care of Darien.
How? she whispered in his mind.
I don’t know. But he’s going to be frightened when I go, and… he hears voices in the storms, Leila.
She was silent, in a different way. The sun slipped behind a cloud and he felt the wind. It was time to move. He didn’t know how he knew that, or even where he was to go, but it was the day, and coming on toward the hour.
Good-bye, he sent.
The Weaver grant you Light, he heard her say in his mind.
And she was gone. Walking back to the cottage, he already had enough of a sense of where he was about to go to know that her last wish was unlikely to be granted.
Long ago he had decided he would not tell his mother when the time came. It would smash her as a hammer smashes a lock, and there was no need for any of them to live through that. He went back in and kissed her lightly on the cheek where she sat weaving by the fire.
She smiled up at him. “Another vest for you, my growing son. And brown to match your hair this time.”
“Thank you,” he said. There was a catch in his throat. She was small and would be alone, with his father away at war. What could he do, though; what was in him to deny what had been laid down? These were dark times, maybe the very darkest times of all. He had been marked. His legs would walk even if his heart and courage stayed behind. It was better, he knew, to have the heart and soul go too, to make the offering run deeper and be true. He was beginning to know a number of unexpected things. He was already traveling.
“Where’s Dari?” he asked. A silly question. “Can I wake him?”
Vae smiled indulgently. “You want to play? All right, he’s slept enough, I suppose.”
“I’m not asleep,” Dari said drowsily, from behind his curtain. “I heard you come in.”
This, Finn knew, was going to be the hardest thing. He could not weep. He had to leave Dari an image of strength, clean and unblurred. It was the last guarding he could do.
He drew the curtains, saw his little brother’s sleepy eyes. “Come,” he said. “Let’s dress you quick and go weave a pattern in the snow.”
“A flower?” Dari said. “Like the one we saw?”
“Like the one we saw.”
They hadn’t been outside for very long. A part of him cried inwardly that it wasn’t enough, he needed more time. Dari needed more. But the horsemen were there, eight of them, and the part of him that was traveling knew that this was the beginning, and even that the number was right.
Even as he looked, Dari holding him tightly by the hand,