makes me miss Pen yet again, makes me wish I'd fought harder to protect her. It's all fine and dandy that Havoc is a weapon for me to wield now, but if I only could've unsheathed that blade in time to save my sister.
I open my eyes and hand Sara back the phone.
“What do you want me to say? I told you that Neil roughed me up and held his gun on me. Now you have video proof. What more is there?”
“How did his car get from the cemetery to the city, Bernadette?” Sara pushes, her voice eager, like she thinks she's really got me this time. “We can see that Neil was the aggressor in this situation, but if your lovers did something to him, we need to know about that, too.”
“Her lovers?” Constantine echoes, and I just snicker with perverse joy at the disgusted tone in his voice. Don't you love how men can openly fantasize about fucking a bunch of girls, or having a threesome, or enjoying a harem of their own? The second that shit gets reversed, it's all disgust and she's a ho, she's a slut, she's loose. What a bunch of crap.
“Can I show you something?” I ask, glancing over at Ms. Keating. She's looking at me like she feels sorry for me. I wonder if she remembers what it was like to be my age, to be wrapped up in gang life? I doubt the gang she ran with is anything like the Havoc Boys. Nobody is like the Havoc Boys. “It's a video I found on Neil's laptop once. He told me he'd kill me if I ever showed anyone, but he also told me he'd kill me if I tried to report him again, so I guess I'm dead either way.”
“This is highly inappropriate,” Ms. Keating says, wincing and reaching up a hand to gingerly touch the side of her face. “Bernadette, you do not need to answer anymore questions. If these officers would like to speak with you further, I recommend they do it when your lawyer is present.”
“No, it's okay, Ms. Keating,” I say, looking up at her with a genuine sense of gratitude in my face. Victor was afraid she might be a liability, but he's wrong. She is the one truly real and kind human being I have ever met in my life. And here I was, thinking the entire world was a wash. Well fuck me sideways. Apparently there really is a small slice of kindness in all of this cold cruelness. “I want to do this. Penelope deserves to have her story told.” I pull my phone out of the pocket on my pink leather jacket, shooting Oscar a quick text.
Send me the video, please.
He doesn't argue with me, and within thirty seconds, I have what I asked for. It just sits there in our text conversation like a poisonous thorn, pumping venom into the bloodstream of my soul. I feel dizzy looking at it, and I know for a fact that I cannot sit here while they watch it. I just can't.
“Ms. Keating,” I say, looking up and giving the very last piece of my heart that isn't reserved for the Havoc Boys to my teacher. This is my last hurrah, as far as trusting other people. If she betrays me, I imagine I'll be just like Oscar or Vic. My morality bar will lower to its most subterranean level, and I'll be left with only a few iron-clad principles: don't hurt kids, don't hurt animals, don't rape people. That'll be it. Right now, I also have a few pesky add-ons such as if someone hasn't harmed you, don't harm them.
I pray to the universe that this isn't a mistake.
Guess only time will tell.
“Yes, Bernadette?” she asks as I stand up and hold my phone to my chest. There's nothing incriminating on it; the boys would never be so stupid as to text about murder and mayhem on a fucking cell phone. But also, I don't want the police looking through it either.
“I'm going to forward a video I have on my phone to Sara Young, and then I'm going to leave for the day because I can't handle it. Is that alright?”
“Of course,” she says, nodding at me and turning to Principal Vaughn. “We can let Bernadette's teachers know she'll be out for the rest of the afternoon?” I love the way she asks that question, like it even really matters. We cut