acknowledge even as I really, really hope she’s right.
“And, either way, you should take it slow,” she adds. “See if you two have anything in common aside from wanting to get naked and sweaty together.”
“Ew,” I say, my prudish side curling its dainty lip. “Don’t be gross, Ra.”
“I can’t help it,” she says with an unapologetic grin. “It’s my nature. It could be his nature, too. He might gross you out long term. Sex, in general, can be kind of gross, you know. Sticky and messy and—”
“Stop.” I cut her off with a hand in the air. “You don’t get to do that.”
“Do what?” She blinks, doing a much better innocent impression than mine.
“Try to scare me away from Nick, in particular, by attacking sex in general. I know better. It has to be amazing or people wouldn’t want to do it all the time.” I shrug, feigning a casualness I don’t feel. “Besides, I’m sure Nick won’t gross me out. He has the…opposite effect on me.”
Aria laughs beneath her breath. “Oh, man. You do have it bad. Just promise me you’ll be careful, okay? Use protection. Lots of it.”
My cheeks heat. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”
“If mentioning birth control makes you blush, I’m thinking you should wait for a while,” Aria says gently. “Don’t you?”
“Talking about it with my sister makes me blush.” I lift my chin. “But I’ve been on the pill for almost two years.”
“Really?” Aria’s eyes widen again. “Brian?”
“Brian and I talked about it a few times, so I went to Dr. Miller and got the prescription. It helped even out my cycle so I stayed on it, but…” I shake my head. “In the end it never felt right with Brian.”
“But it feels right with Nick after knowing him less than a month?” There’s no judgment in her tone, but I feel judged all the same.
Am I being too crazy? Too wild?
Or do I need to stop overthinking things so much and trust that my body knows what it wants and has every right to go after it?
“I’m not sure,” I say, as much to the questions floating unspoken in my head as Aria’s query. “I just know I’ve never felt anything like what I feel when I’m with him, and I don’t want to lose my chance to explore that because I’m trying to live up to Mom’s or anyone else’s idea of who I’m supposed to be. I’m only twenty-two. I’m still growing, you know. It’s okay for me to change my mind and my heart and to just…change. Period. Right?”
Aria reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Of course, it’s okay for you to change. It’s also healthy and natural to grow and evolve. You don’t have to be Mom’s idea of perfect to deserve love and happiness and all your dreams coming true.”
“Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.” I squeeze Aria’s hand. “Sometimes it feels like everyone has their mind made up about who I’m supposed to be and there’s no changing it. Like I’m expected to be sweet, baby sister Melody forever. And sometimes I like that, because I feel safe as that person, but sometimes… I don’t know.” I let out an audible breath. “I think I’m still confused.”
“And that’s okay, too,” Aria says with a smile. “The early twenties are all about being confused. It’s normal.”
I scrunch my nose. “Still feels pretty crappy.”
“But exciting, right?”
I consider that and my lips curve. “Yeah. Exciting, too.”
“Nash told you I was wise.” She stands, dropping a kiss to the top of my head before grabbing our mugs. “You ready for a refill before more chat?”
I push my chair back. “I’m good on chat, but I’ll take more coffee and a bagel. Then I need some Aunty time with Felicity. I’ve been missing her like crazy since you guys moved out of Mom and Dad’s house.”
“You’re welcome to babysit anytime,” Aria says, heading for the back door. “I could bring her to your place for an overnight. Nash and I never turn down a chance to be alone.”
“To get all hot and sticky and gross?” I ask, making Aria laugh as she glances at me over her shoulder
“Touché.” She lifts a considering brow. “You are getting naughty in your old age, aren’t you?”
“We’ll see.” I shrug and lead the way inside, feeling a hundred times better.
I’m still almost as confused as I was before the sister talk, but at least I feel like someone understands what I’m going through and is rooting