sharing my personal woes, other than to put you on alert. Being with you like this… well, it makes me think about the life I saw ahead of me, once – a long time ago now. But it didn’t quite turn out as I’d hoped. Beatriz is well connected, and it doesn’t pay to get on the wrong side of her. I pulled you into something you can’t possibly understand by inviting you to dinner and now this happens, today. It was wrong of me to be so cavalier and I can’t even begin to apologise.’
His remorse is purely down to his concerns for my well-being and any potential fallout. Doesn’t Reid think he deserves a happy life if he can find the right person to be with? Lying in my bed, wrapped in his arms, the sincerity in his voice tells me it’s not a rejection. The passion between us has been simmering since the moment we first met and yet we both fought it. Or tried to ignore it. But now it feels so right, even though I could list endless reasons why this shouldn’t have happened.
For a few glorious hours, just knowing we were giving ourselves to each other freely and without any underlying motive felt honest; that need to be wanted, desired, and treasured, I suppose. And Reid has more than satisfied that emptiness within me, he has made me feel whole again when I didn’t even know there was something missing. No promises and no expectations for a future – just a magnetic attraction that came from a place within me I didn’t know existed. How can I explain that away?
‘You didn’t talk me into this, Reid, and I hope you know that.’
I’m well aware of the implications of this afternoon for us both, but I can’t hide how happy I feel. And I can see Reid is happy too, even though his thoughts are now in turmoil.
‘This is the last thing I wanted… well, expected – of course I wanted it since the moment I first set eyes on you. It’s rare to meet anyone as refreshingly honest and straightforward; these days everyone has an agenda. I could tell you don’t, Seren, and there’s something so damned attractive and mesmerising about you. Just hearing your voice or being in your company lifts my spirits and pulls me away from the negativity that is stifling at times. But it’s unfair of me to drag you into my complicated life.’
‘I did have an agenda,’ I remind him.
‘I mean a personal agenda and not a business one. You know what I’m trying to say,’ his voice softens as he leans his head against mine.
‘Well, for my part you captured my attention in a way no man has ever done before. That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’ Having voiced my thoughts, it sounds defeatist, as if I already know what Reid’s response will be.
He groans, nuzzling his chin into my hair. ‘No. It’s a bad thing. Ten years is a big age difference, Seren, believe me. It’s not something to take lightly. When I was twenty-five years old, I thought nothing would stop me achieving what I wanted. As each year passed, things began to weigh me down. Marriage, a demanding wife, even the birth of my beautiful daughter added a pressure I couldn’t even have imagined previously. Fifteen years later and I’ve never felt less sure of anything. I’ve regressed. It’s all become too much, too demanding, too impossible to sort out and I’m at breaking point. You, well, you are on the brink of discovering where your potential lies and nothing, and no one, should hold you back from that. Including me.’
A part of me feels more alive than I have ever done before, but if I tell him that, then I become another pressure to add to his burden. In a perfect world, our future would start here, but I know that’s unlikely to be the case. Our paths are crossing for the briefest of moments and I have no choice but to accept that this can’t go anywhere long-term. It’s a little ripple in time, a glorious moment caught in the folds of life. A secret to remember forever, that can never be shared.
‘It’s not as if we’re hurting anyone though, is it?’ I ask, trying not to sound desperate. I’m grasping for a tenuous thread to tie us together because I can’t help myself.
Reid pulls back to look at me in earnest. ‘My