I grabbed Yasuo’s wrist and wrenched myself even more snugly into the crook of his elbow. The move opened the tiniest gap for me to shift, and I twisted in to him. Hugged him tightly around the waist. I ducked, bowed, and then was free.
I shoved off him at once and began to jog back and away, under no illusions that I could beat him if the fight got ugly. “Don’t…say…” I coughed and clutched at my aching throat, catching my breath. “Don’t talk…about Emma.”
When he didn’t pounce on me, I slowed. Stopped. And then I stared.
He was simply standing there, quaking, looking like a shell of the Yas he’d been. He was off his game. So much so, I wondered if I actually might have been able to beat him in a fight.
It gave me the courage to risk saying more. “This is the last thing…” My throat spasmed, coughs racking me, but I managed to catch my breath and swallow. “She wouldn’t want this.”
I paused to give my words meaning beyond this one tussle in this particular hallway. She wouldn’t have wanted us to fight here, and more than that, she wouldn’t have wanted this distance between us. We were becoming exactly what the vampires wanted us to become: scared, estranged, suspicious—things that made us need them.
“We don’t have to do this,” I said. It was a simple statement, and yet to believe it stole just the tiniest bit of power from them. I’d find ways to steal even more.
I’d convince Yasuo that I wasn’t the enemy. Convince him that I wasn’t the one to attack. If he channeled his anger at the real culprits instead, if we sided together against the vampires, we’d be stronger. Power could be ours for the taking.
Power, not strength…my new motto.
CHAPTER NINE
I was shivering in the bitter January night, trembling, race-walking back to the dorm. Yas had profoundly freaked me out. He was increasingly unstable, and I worried he was losing it, like in a fundamental about-to-snap sort of way.
I understood his anguish. His anger. But his fury went beyond grief or blame to something deeper. He felt horror, and he blamed me. If I found out what happened to Emma, maybe I could convince him that her death wasn’t my fault. Maybe then he’d forgive me.
Carden had sensed my distress, and this time, he hadn’t waited. He came right to me, catching up with me on the way back from dinner—right after my tussle with Yasuo. Like, right after.
He simply appeared beside me on the path, startling me. “Who hurt you?”
I put a hand to my chest, gasping a breathy half laugh. “Don’t do that.”
“I caught you unawares.” His eyes hardened. “You must always be on guard. It is a lesson you must learn if you are to survive.” He softened, putting a fingertip beneath my chin. “And I’d prefer it if you survived, aye?”
“My guard is just fine.” I couldn’t help it—the fight with Yas had been too disturbing—and there was an edge to my voice that didn’t usually come out when I was with Carden. “In case you haven’t noticed, you vampires are a little on the stealthy side.”
Vampires, and Yasuo was becoming one of them. I put a hand to my throat, feeling the ghost of his arm constricting around my neck. It was like he was still choking me. All those fragile bones ready to snap. And even worse than the physical sensation was the betrayal. That was what strangled me now. My loneliness, suffocating me.
“Have you been hurt?” He sounded ready to throttle someone. “Are you unwell? Speak to me.”
I resumed walking, and Carden fell into step. “It’s just…” I reminded myself I wasn’t as alone as I felt. He’d sensed my distress and come to me at once. It should’ve been enough to improve my mood, and yet it was so hard to wrap my mind around. I still didn’t completely trust the feelings between Carden and me. I mean, the guy was a vampire. I dared not tell him my concerns about Yasuo. I still held out hope that Yas and I could mend our friendship, and I didn’t want him to be the one Carden throttled. “Let’s just say the suck factor is particularly high today.”
Carden was quiet for a moment, then said, “As you wish.” He knew I was holding something back, and to his credit, he didn’t push me on it.
Though…
Why didn’t he push me on it? Only someone who had their own secrets wouldn’t demand the full story. As you wish. And didn’t that just sum him up? Carden did as he wished.
I gave a shake to my head. I couldn’t let myself spin out like this. What I needed was a refuge. A place where I could be safe, just for a little while. “Where do you stay?” I asked abruptly.
“Close by your side?” He raised a questioning brow, that jaunty grin of his firmly in place. Ever the smooth-talking flirt.
It was a great way to avoid the question.
For once, I didn’t take the bait. “No, I mean when you sleep.”
“I don’t sleep.”
“Okay, rest. Where do you stay at night?” Was it in the keep? Did he know the secret horrors of the island? Was he behind it, with the other vampires? The rapid-fire thoughts had me freaking out.
“It’s no secret, dove.” His features grew quiet, like he only now realized he was dealing with little miss crazypants. And how I hated the feeling that I was pulling the clichéd psycho girlfriend thing. But he tipped his head, looking off to the right, and gently said, “Northeast of here, there’s an old hunting bothy. I use it when I need to come in from the light.”