move forward, while Paul is like a distant memory of my life before it all happened. It’s not fair to Paul for me to feel this way, and I would change those feelings if I could, but it doesn’t work that way.
Deep down I know that a big part of my reluctance to ever be with Paul again is due to the different way I see myself – like I’m still dirty and broken. Why would a good man like him ever want me?
I don’t understand why Verek would want me either since he witnessed it all firsthand when he saved me from the storage facility, but at least he knows what he’s getting with me. Paul has no clue. Everything in his life is perfect, peachy. Always has been and always will be. Which is why I think he needs to be with a perfect rainbows-and-sunshine woman. Not the darkness and gloom that’s constantly hanging over my head.
What am I going to do about Paul now that he’s here? There was a reason I avoided him for months. I thought Charlotte understood that.
As if sensing my ire at her, I hear my cell phone ringing in the bedroom and know it must be her or my parents. They’re the only ones who call me besides Paul, who is sitting here staring at me. Relieved to take a break from the awkwardness, I toss my fork down and jump to my feet, heading for the bedroom. “I better get that. Be right back!” I say before I disappear. Shutting the bedroom door behind me, I pick up my phone from the bedside table.
Charlotte.
“Girl, you are in so much trouble with me,” I answer instead of a greeting.
“He’s there already?” she says. “Crap. I thought I could give you a heads-up.”
“A heads-up would’ve been nice maybe yesterday or last week or whenever you first considered asking my former fiancé to come and stay with me!” I whisper yell into the phone. “I would’ve told you it was a bad idea and not to do it.”
“Sorry,” she whines. “I know you’ve been avoiding him for, well, ever, but I worried about leaving you and thought there should be someone besides the prospects keeping you company.”
“Oh, there is someone keeping me company. Verek.”
“Verek is there?” she asks in surprise. “You mean there as in your apartment?”
“Yes! He brought me home last night and stayed and we…did stuff and then this morning Verek answered the door and there was Paul.”
“Oh jeez! That must have been awkward.”
“Must have been? How about it is very, very awkward. The three of us were just sitting down to breakfast when you called.”
“Oh wow. That’s…jeez…”
“I know!” I exclaim loud enough that the men probably heard, so I lower my voice again. “What am I supposed to do? I think I’ve convinced Paul to get a hotel room, but then what? If he insists on staying until you get back, I’m going to throw up.”
“I thought you were angry at Verek” is Charlotte’s unhelpful response.
“I was. I am. But you know how he is. A few sweet words and I’m a goner for him.”
“And you really did stuff with him? How was that?” she asks.
“It was fine. Fun. Not awkward at all, unlike breakfast.”
“You did naked stuff with him?” Charlotte asks, still sounding shocked.
“Partially naked, yes.”
“Well, Verek’s just come in and messed everything up!” she complains.
“Um, what? If anyone messed things up, it’s you for inviting Paul,” I whisper.
“I didn’t know Verek would be coming back this week or I wouldn’t have. Probably,” Charlotte responds. “Still, if you’re doing partially naked stuff with Verek, that’s a great sign that you could be ready to talk to Paul again. Maybe date him.”
“Huh?” I mutter. “Could you please explain how in the world you came to believe that logic makes any sense at all?”
“You’re getting better, finally moving forward! That’s great news,” she says. “And I know that in your heart you still love Paul, don’t you?”
“Yes, but –”
“You do! So shouldn’t you at least take a few days to get to know him again? He knows things have changed and that you’re different. That’s okay because he still loves you too.”
“I know that, but –”
“No buts! You love him, he loves you. And Verek is hot and all, sure. Could you actually see a future with him, though?”
“You married Roman,” I point out.
“Roman was ready to give up women and settle down when we got together. Verek’s been away for months,