“Honey.” Breezy was closer. Her voice was a soft whisper in the night. “It isn’t going to go away. You’re an intelligent man. You’re showing classic signs of PTSD.”
“How the fuck would you know that, Breezy?” he sneered. “You didn’t even finish high school.” The harsh accusation burst out of him. His chest felt so tight it might explode any moment. His heart pounded so hard he was afraid it would burst. “Don’t pretend you have brains, baby. You have a killer body, just stick with what you know.”
There was a long silence. His ugly retort taunted him, echoing in his ears over and over. Finally, finally, he looked at her. He had to. He had to see how much damage he’d done. He kept pushing her away, back to self-sabotaging his relationship. He’d make her leave him if he kept this up. Was that what he was trying to do? Why couldn’t he stop?
Breezy’s green eyes were on him. There was hurt showing on her face, but she hadn’t retreated. His woman didn’t retreat. She waited until his eyes met hers and then she shook her head, holding him captive just by the look on her face.
“Actually, I know quite a lot about PTSD. I got my GED. I have a son and I wanted to be a good mother to him, to help him with his homework when he needed me, so I took classes. One of them, I had to choose a subject to write on. I chose PTSD. I was a victim of abuse and finally had to acknowledge that. It wasn’t just how normal people lived, it was how I was forced to live. I actually didn’t realize that. Maybe that makes me stupid in your eyes, I don’t know …”
“Breezy.” He was ashamed. Felt like shit. He shoved the heel of his hand against his forehead and pressed hard trying to stop the pounding jackhammer.
“I refused to be an ignorant mother to Zane, Steele. And I won’t be afraid to speak out when I know something is wrong between us. I love you. I want us to have a good relationship and to do that, we have to be able to talk to each other. Not only do you want me to talk to you, you demand it. We have a chance to be great together. To do that, you have to give me this.”
“Why?” He barely managed to ask around the terrible lump in his throat. His throat burned until it was so raw it hurt like a bear.
“I have to understand your need to watch us every second. I’ve asked about the car a hundred times, but you avoid the conversation. I’m perfectly capable of driving. I want to visit Blythe and Anya, go to girls’ night with Lana and Alena. I want to work.”
The moment she said that his heart nearly stopped. His hand pressed hard there. His head pounded, and he thought he might be sick. “You can’t. Breezy, damn it. You just can’t.”
“I’m willing to compromise, Steele, but you have to talk to me. Trust is a two-way street. So is a relationship. I mean it when I say I love you, but I’m not a doormat to be kicked around when you’re falling apart. I have a certain personality. I need to help the people I love. I have to feel I contribute to the relationship. If you refuse to allow me in, if you don’t give me the same trust you demand from me, I don’t see how we can ever work things out.”
Breezy moved across the large polished stones that made up the patio. As she did, the kimono opened to reveal her body to him. She wasn’t wearing a stitch under the silk. She was shaved, leaving her mound and lips bare. Smooth. He knew if he caught her up and laid her out on the lounger, she wouldn’t stop him. She loved his mouth on her almost as much as he loved eating her out. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t move. Somehow, she held him immobile just with the force of her will.
He watched her come to him, his heart pounding like mad and that strange roaring in his ears. His head hurt so badly he had to clench his teeth. He found himself running his hands over the scars on his chest. So many. The knife had dug deep. It was hot. Burning. He remembered how