will somehow ease it.” Her fingers rubbed gently. Soothingly.
He caught her hand and ripped it from his face, stepping back away from the bed. His lungs burned and for a moment there was no air. The room was too hot. So hot. His skin was clammy. “Don’t touch me.” He pointed a finger at her and took another step back. “There’s nothing to tell. Just don’t fucking touch me.”
To his absolute horror, his hand shook. He dropped it quickly to his side, pressing his fist against his thigh. Sweat dripped down his face, ran in beads down his chest. He had to gasp for breath. The air felt thick. His skin was clammy. He took another step back.
Breezy sat up slowly and her fingers touched the kimono she’d folded so neatly and stuck on the chair. She drew it to her, every movement slow. “Steele, do you need me to call Czar?”
His entire body jerked. Czar was the last person he wanted called. Czar couldn’t know. No one could know.
“Why not? Honey, just talk to me.”
He’d said it aloud. His ears hurt, the roar in them loud. Chaos reigned in his mind.
“Steele, you’re a doctor. Let me call Maestro or Keys to help. I can see something is wrong. Let me help you.”
“Don’t call anyone. I mean it, no one.” No one could see him like this. Shit. He was having a breakdown. He should have seen it coming. He was a doctor for fuck’s sake. “Stay away from me, Breezy.” He gave her the warning, praying she’d obey him. He was dangerous in this state. He recognized it even if she didn’t. Breezy had to be protected at any cost. He backed out of their bedroom and hurried down the hall, away from Zane’s room. He couldn’t take chances with their lives.
It was getting worse, not better. Steele paced from room to room, looking up at the cameras, making certain each was working. Even in his paranoid, physically-destroying-him state, he had to know Breezy and Zane were tracked and looked after.
He put his hands on the counter in the kitchen and tried to drag in air. When he couldn’t, he opened the thick glass door and stepped outside, pulling air into his lungs in desperation.
“Steele?”
He didn’t turn around. He closed his eyes briefly, thankful and terrified at the same time. The emotions were polar opposites. He was so grateful she cared enough to follow him, that she recognized something was really wrong. He was also aware he was dangerous, that she was treading on very thin ice.
Steele walked outside onto the spacious back patio, out toward the pool. Steam rose from the hot tub as well as the surface of the pool. There was a sliding automatic cover for both so neither would lose heat at night, but he hadn’t covered them, thinking he would swim later with his woman.
He heard her close the door to the house and knew she was outside watching him. The fog was no more than a fine mist he couldn’t hide behind. Those green eyes of hers had always seen too much. She noticed the finest details, and she was looking at him when he was at his most vulnerable and at his absolute worst.
“I don’t understand why you can’t tell Czar what’s wrong because all of you tell him everything.” She had that gentle note in her voice that always turned him inside out. “It’s okay. Tell me, Steele. I’m your partner. You asked for my trust, and now I’m asking you for yours.”
“Breezy.” He pushed warning into his voice. He didn’t look at her but sensed her moving toward him and he held up his hand to stop her. He couldn’t go back there for a number of reasons. He couldn’t explain to her because if he did she would leave. They all would leave him. He couldn’t live with himself as it was. If he revisited that time, he would have no way out but a gun to his head.
“I’m not leaving you, Steele. Not ever. We work things out, that’s what you said. I’m trying to understand your need for all this security around us, but you aren’t giving me anything to work with. You know it isn’t normal. You know that. Every time we start down this road it gets twisted into something else.”
He didn’t reply, holding himself very still, terrified she’d moved within striking distance. What if he hit her? What if he did something like Reaper