you scoff at these musings. Call them ridiculous? Retrospect might find your observation correct, but how dare you cast a pall over even a moment's joy with your biased assumptions. I have unique needs, yes, but I still possess certain emotions which, like all these exploding blossoms, will whither and die when needs and wants remain unfulfilled.
"Simmons, party of one, at the Geisha House," Dexter said, interrupting my musing, "comes up."
I subdued my recollections of the previous night's glorious lovemaking and acknowledged the call, shortly guiding the cab between the two twenty-foot steel posts that supported the sign that spelled "Geisha Bath House" in lurid, quasi-oriental letters. A fat, balding man in his mid-forties sat on the front steps. He looked up as the cab's headlights struck him in the face and stared blankly into the twin beams before slowly rising and waddling to the cab.
Kern had explained thatMadison had formally been known as theAthens of theMidwest , attracting businessmen not for the opportunity for education, but for the depravity. Decadence, Kern said, had taken a back seat to commerce, but apparently this fellow was from the old school, having sought the halcyon atmosphere of yesterday'sMadison . Surely, he had enjoyed a night at Vision's, Madison's lone remaining house of burlesque, reached a critical mass of excitement and walked across the street to the Geisha to relieve his tension. And on a Tuesday night!
Layered smells emanated from the gentleman, washing into my nostrils, and he was not yet within the confines of my cab. Porcine perspiration. Cheap whisky. A potpourri of sex, cheap perfume and baby oil.
And blood.
Damn this pathetic mortal for obscuring Nicole's sweet scent. He opened the front door and wiggled into the cab. I flared my nostrils, trying to recall the sweet scent of my love, only to have the man's aroma wash over me, alcohol-tainted blood overwhelming all the other smells. The man's heart thundered inside my skull, pumping blood through clogged arteries. He had a strong heart, but high blood pressure - a massive coronary awaited, but tonight the organ was working just fine.
"Where may I take you, sir?" I asked.
The man closed the door and paused a moment until his eyes focused. "Ish thish Madishun?" he asked.
My head cocked to one side. "Excuse me?"
"I said ... Ish! Thish! Madishun!"
"Yessir, it is. This is the east side ofMadison , but only a few miles from our beautiful downtown. Where may I take you?"
"Inn!"
"Which one?Madison ? University? Badger?"
"Thass the one."
"Wh - " I stopped myself. "The Badger Inn?" The man shook his head. "TheMadisonInn ?" He shook his head again. "The University Inn?"
"Yeah, i's that one."
"I will take you there." As Dexter was so fond of saying, our drivers are totally fluent in drunk. Certainly, I had mastered that skill with relative quickness as exhibited by my handling of the four drunk Norwegians who I had been assigned to pick up at Vision's one evening. I was told they were going fromMadison 's only strip club to the Concourse Hotel, but when they got into my cab, they seemed to have a different plan.
"Ya," the man sitting in the front seat said. "Squveezers. You take us to Squveezers."
Laughter came from the back seat. "Squveezers. Ya, we go to Squveezers."
"Where?" I asked, knowing no such establishment existed, either called Squveezes or Squeezers. Though a mere rookie, I knew this with utmost certainty.
"Squveezers! Ya, You take us to Squveezers."
I considered asking the dispatcher for help, but knew the response would more than likely be, "Count, are you not fluent in drunk?" I was determined, by Satan's beard, I would solve this mystery on my own. I carefully turned around in the parking lot, stalling for time really and gave the matter consideration. Context, I thought. Context is everything. I picked them up at a strip club. Where would they want to go if they were not going back to their hotel?
"Massage parlor!" I blurted out. "You want to go to a massage parlor?"
"Ya! Squveezers! Squveezers! You take us to Squveezers!"
I sighed deeply and took them to the Rising Sun. I hoped Jasmine would be grateful.
Thus, I learned how to be fluent in drunk, and this is a skill that does come in handy. Hastily, I turned the cab around, eased out of the parking lot, activated the meter and carefully merged ontoEast Wash.
"Have you had yourself an enjoyable evening, sir?" I asked.
"Yeah, you betsha. Saw some bitches with great tits. Got laid. Besht goddamned night of my fucking