Upside Down (Breaking the Rules #3) - A.M. Madden Page 0,39

to never do again was allow myself to be used experimentally.”

Which was obviously what he suspected of me.

How could I blame him?

Fuck, no wonder he’d acted the way he had after I kissed him.

“So… to answer your question… that’s why,” he confirmed, as though we’d just discussed the weather and not his first heartbreak.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked, somewhat hesitantly. He stared at me and nodded. “If Corey realized he made a mistake, would you forgive him?” His gaze sliced away as he lifted his fork to resume eating his meal. There was no need for him to respond. The answer was obvious. “You would.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he finally said. “It’s the past.”

Until now, I had naively believed any reluctance between us was on my part. I stupidly believed I had the wheel, and it was my decision to navigate us in a direction to seek clarity or not. Not once during my egotistical meltdown had I ever considered his backstory creating a roadblock toward discovering myself. And because of it, I should’ve walked away and let him be. He was right. I did have serious issues and dragging him into them was narcissistic on every level.

But I couldn’t bring myself to do that.

Clearly, he was who I wanted. And now that I’d made my decision to explore this thing between us, I couldn’t turn back. It hadn’t been a decision that I’d come to lightly. I’d finally opened myself up to figure things out, and I refused to allow the assumption he carried to derail what could happen between us. Neither of us knew what would be, but there was only one way to find out. And the bottom line was I needed him to do that.

How remained the question.

“Ricky.” I waited for his pale-blue eyes to focus on me. “I can’t guarantee one of us won’t get hurt. Christ knows I’ve done my share of hurting others because I wasn’t where they needed me to be. With you, I’d be willing to risk being the one getting hurt if it gave me clarity. It’s a chance I’m willing to take.” When he stared at me like I’d sprouted antlers, I rushed to strengthen my argument. “You yourself said you had no regrets because it made you the man you are today. That’s what I’m searching for. Answers. If we’re both honest with each other going in…” I purposely left my words hanging.

“Going into what?” he prodded, and for the first time that cocky smirk of his made an appearance. “Are you looking for a chess partner? A boyfriend? Or a fuck buddy? You need to be more specific.”

The sarcastic huff of air I released didn’t faze him while he chewed another bite of his cashew chicken, sipped his imported beer, wiped his mouth, and rested his fork.

Jesus H. Christ. Did I need to spell this shit out? Finding answers wasn’t worth giving him the satisfaction that clearly revealed itself in that arrogant expression… one that caused pulses of electricity to spark.

Who was I kidding? Yes it was.

He rested his elbows on the table and leaned close enough so I could see the navy flecks in his eyes. “I’m a sure thing, Cooper. If you’re asking me to take a risk on you, you’re going to have to convince me as to why I should.”

“Here?”

“No. That conversation needs to be in private,” he stated in an obvious manner. “At my place.” And when he ran his tongue over his bottom lip like a dirty invitation, the way my cock twitched made me afraid I’d do just about anything he wanted me to.

Ricky lived in a luxury condominium right on the beach in Fort Lauderdale… and I was jealous. Gym, pool, and concierge service made it more like a hotel than an apartment building. The place had to have cost him a fortune.

With an entirely different vibe than Rebecca and Marco’s home, this was an ultimate bachelor pad. A state-of-the-art kitchen that looked like it’d never been used opened to a ridiculously large living room. Floor-to-ceiling windows framing his balcony, which was as big as my living room in Jersey, sported a perfect view of the beach across the road. In the distance to the left, the port where his beloved ship docked between cruises was also visible.

Being in his space felt intimate on so many levels. And the anger that still radiated from him should’ve caused me to forget this entire evening, yet it did just