Upside Down (Breaking the Rules #3) - A.M. Madden Page 0,38

sister’s house I knew something had crawled up his ass. Never in a million years could I have guessed it was what he’d heard me say on that damn radio show. But I stood by my admission, and by lobbing the ball in his court, I unleashed that deep desire I had buried for so many weeks… a raw urge that licked inside of me. It grew without warning and wanting to pick up where I had left off consumed me.

Seeing him for the first time in months only made things worse. If possible, he’d gotten better looking. The way he pulled off a basic white dress shirt and charcoal-gray trousers shouldn’t be allowed. And that watch. What the serious fuck? A watch on a man’s wrist was now turning me on?

Ricky always managed to look as though he’d stepped off the pages of a men’s fashion magazine. I had no doubt plenty of women had come on to him over the years, and strangely enough that only made him even hotter.

Clear as fuck, I could envision a connection with him. What form it took was still fuzzy, but the possibilities within reach unexpectedly slammed into my subconscious. If that didn’t prove I was undeniably attracted to this man, nothing would. Ironically, admitting it out loud caused an unexpected calm to swell within me.

Until he shook his head.

Stunned, I merely gawked.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he finally said.

The waitress appearing with our meals and asking a few typical questions provided the moment I needed to gather my thoughts. If this was his way of playing hard to get, I’d play. What options did I have? I meant it when I told Dr. Lair that I needed to figure it out, and the only obvious key to the equation was my unexplained attraction toward him.

Once alone, he picked up a fork and began eating as if he hadn’t just thrown a dart at my ego.

Ignoring my pad thai, I cut to the chase and asked, “Why?” The way I uttered that one little word sounded pathetic to my own ears, but for some reason it softened the hardness that had been etched on his handsome face.

He rested his fork on the edge of his plate. “Although I tried with five different relationships, I was only in love one time in my life.”

Love?

“Ricky, I’m not suggesting—”

“Let me finish, Cooper.” My nod prompted him to continue. “Corey and I met freshman year in college, instantly connected, and became great friends. We decided to share an apartment sophomore year. Yes, there was an undeniable attraction I felt toward him, which I tried to desperately ignore. Not surprisingly, it only grew stronger after living with him. But that didn’t matter, because Corey was straight. He proved that much by fucking a different girl every weekend. However, strangely enough, whenever we were alone, he sent me mixed signals—lingering stares, unexpected touches… an unsolicited kiss.”

Ah… I was Corey in Ricky’s eyes.

“In public he acted as if none of that ever happened,” Ricky continued while staring down at the table. “I understood. He wasn’t ready to come out. But since in private he held nothing back, I misread the signs and assumed he needed time. We grew closer and closer. We became intimate. He was the only man I let fuck me. He was the only man I let into my heart. And in the process, I fell in love with Corey.”

When Ricky lifted his eyes back up to mine, I braced myself for the truth that put all that hurt in his expression. Hurt that clearly hadn’t lessened in all the years since his first and only experience with love.

“The shit hit the fan when a few people assumed we were gay. I hadn’t come out publicly yet, but I wasn’t going to lie about myself. Of course he denied it while throwing me under the bus—and in doing so instantly changed my college experience. Eventually, the bigotry he festered in our circle of friends got to me, and after going home that winter break, I transferred to another school and never went back.”

“I’m sorry, Ricky.”

“Don’t.” He shook his head. “I don’t want your pity. I am the man I am today because of it, and I regret nothing. Lesson learned, and I never hid my sexuality from anyone or for anyone ever again. Corey freed me, to an extent. In a sick, twisted way, I kind of owe him. But another thing I vowed