even though that’s his own guilt. I never blamed him, not really. I knew who he really was underneath it all.
“I’m not even sure he wants any of this, but he cannot let me have it.” He takes a breath, then runs a hand through his hair. “And you know what? I still don’t hate him. I wish I did. I try to. I miss him. I miss my brother the way we were before our father made us what we’ve become. But I know it’s too late to get that back because something died inside him the night of the accident. No, that’s not right. It was already dead by then. That accident, what it did to him, it’s what turned him rotten.”
I reach out to touch him, but he puts up his hand to stop me.
“Annabel’s death was what pushed us all to the place we’ve come to. And I don’t think there’s any going back. Not for any of us.”
His gaze shifts to the scar on my face.
Everything always comes back to that. To that damned accident.
He reaches out a hand and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. He brushes his knuckles over the scar on my lip and a storm that’s been brewing for a decade darkens his eyes.
“The end is coming, Cristina.”
I shudder.
“And I won’t be able to stop it. I won’t be able to stop the storm my brother is bringing.”
He drops his hand, pupils focusing on me again.
“Can’t you walk away? Just leave it all?”
“That’s the thing. Whatever it is, I need to see it through. Finish it and put the past to rest. Bury it finally.”
I shudder.
It’s silent for a long moment before he speaks again.
“You still want me to tell you what I want? I will.”
I search his eyes, my heart racing, trying to process everything he just told me. Trying to reconcile this man who feels pain, who feels remorse and sadness, with the monster Lucas accuses him of being, the monster he doesn’t deny being.
I nod because I believe he’ll tell me now.
“I lied when I said I would let you go. No, that’s not right. I don’t think it was a lie then. But it’s become one.”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t see?”
I wait, my mouth dry.
“I can’t let you go, Cristina.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you.”
25
Damian
I drive over an hour to fucking Conshohocken, Pennsylvania, to find my brother drinking himself into a stupor in the seedy room of a strip club. One woman kneels between his legs sucking his dick, while two others tongue each other for his viewing pleasure.
I don’t want to think about what I’m touching as I step into the private room.
“They don’t have strip clubs in the city?” I ask.
“Brother,” he says, lifting his bottle of tequila in greeting. “Thought you might drop by.”
The room is the size of my walk-in closet. Mirrors make up each wall and the lighting is Red Light District red. A whore’s red.
“Grab one,” he says, gesturing to the girls who have their tongues in each other’s mouths. “I’d offer you this one, but her cock sucking skills are superior. He glances down to the naked girl who’s currently swallowing his dick. He winks at her and she closes her eyes to get back to work.
Women like this, I never get the draw. I don’t think I could even get it up if this is all that’s on offer. I wouldn’t want to.
“Out,” I tell the girls.
Tobias signals for two soldiers who enter and take the girls sucking face by the arms and haul them to their feet.
“Hey!” one says, stumbling over someone’s foot.
“Hold on. They did good work,” Lucas calls out as he swallows more tequila. “Here, girls.” He hands them each some money from the pile of hundreds on the small table beside him before they’re removed.
“Get her out, too,” I tell Lucas.
He looks down at her. “Come on, sweetheart. You can finish me off after my brother’s given me a talking-to.”
She places her hands on his thighs, gives him one final suck, then slowly stands, waving her ass at me as she bends forward to kiss my brother deeply.
He reaches for several hundred-dollar bills and hands them to her. “Don’t go far. I’m going to need to fuck something when he’s done. I’d like for it to be your face,” he says with a slap to her ass.
“You always had a way with the ladies,” I tell him as the girl leaves.