people. They're qliphoth. Shells. They're what's left after a rider's taken over."
"Please stop," I said.
Midian fired twice into the small man's head. I closed my eyes. The euphoria of the fight was gone, as if it had never been there. Tears ran down my cheeks, but I felt too sick to move. I heard Midian walk to the last man, the tall one I'd kicked.
"Don't," I breathed. "Please. Please don't."
The gun barked. My body spasmed. I doubled over, vomiting up the eggs and onions and brandy. I was crying with the same sense of illness, the same violence. Soft footsteps came toward me, and I was suddenly sure that he was going to kill me too. I put up a hand, thinking somehow I could push away the gun.
Midian knelt beside me. Skeletal hands slid under my arms, and he lifted me. Together, we stumbled toward the bathroom. I puked again as we passed the kitchen, but he kept pushing me on. Soon, I was on my knees in front of the toilet curled in fetal position. There was blood and sick on my sleeve. Midian sat on the edge of the bathtub, watching me collapse.
"Please," I said. "Please." I didn't even know what I meant by it.
"The first time's the worst, kid," he said in his industrial ruin of a voice. "Killing someone isn't like an action movie. You don't just go bang real loud and they fall down. It does something to you. I understand that."
My eyes were shut tight. I could feel my mouth open wide enough to ache at the jaw, like I was screaming. Only a whine came out. My heart felt as if something precious had died. Some tiny part of my mind, cool and observant, was surprised to see all the rest of me coming unhinged.
"They came in here, kid. They came after you. You did what you had to do. They weren't even human, no matter what they looked like. Remember that. They're just shells. All those folks were already dead."
For the first time, I wanted to believe him. All the bullshit about Eric and the Invisible College and unclean spirits. I wanted it all to be true. I wanted to believe it.
I remembered the woman's blue eyes. Whoever she was, she'd been a baby once. Her mother had held her in her arms. She'd had a first kiss. Someone had looked into those eyes with love. I saw her skull open under Midian's bullets.
For a moment, I couldn't breathe.
"Take your time," Midian said. "It's gonna be okay. Just take your time."
It wasn't okay for a very long time. It felt like food poisoning, or worse. But eventually my strength gave out a little, and the violence of my reactions calmed. Midian had left me alone, so I locked myself in the bathroom and took a long, cold shower. The water seemed to ground me and pull me back to myself. When I stepped out and picked up a towel, I felt fragile, but I could function.
In the apartment, I could hear Midian grunting and talking to himself. The sweet, harsh smell of his cigarettes covered anything else. I was grateful for that. I sat on the floor and dug through the puddle of my clothes until I found my cell. I looked at it for a long time before I could bring myself to make the call.
Aubrey picked up on the second ring.
"Jayné?" he said, pronouncing it wrong.
"Hey," I said. "I need to ask you something."
"Sure," he said. "Anything. What's up?"
I could hear something in the background. Voices. Traffic. The real world. I took a deep breath.
"What do you know about the Invisible College?"
There was a pause that lasted years.
"Oh, thank God," he said. "I was afraid Eric hadn't told you about any of it. I was going to bring it up when I got you from the airport, but I thought if he hadn't, I'd sound like a schizophrenic. Eric's murder. It was about Randolph Coin, wasn't it? Was he actually trying to take Coin on?"
I leaned forward, hunched over the cell. Mostly what I felt was relief. Even if it wasn't true, if it was all stories and deceptions and madness, at least there was someone I could talk to. I almost started crying again.
"Jayné? Are you there? Are you all right?"
"You remember how you said I should call if I needed any help?" I asked.
"Yes. Absolutely."
"I need help."
Chapter 4
Four
The bodies were lined up on the wooden floor of