way through the main course, and when they bring out dessert, my twin and stepsister exchange a heated glance. There's something else they want to talk to me about, I can tell. And they're about to do it now.
"So," Kade begins slowly, meeting my eye carefully like I'm a ticking time bomb. It fucking pisses me off. "We wanted to talk to you about something."
"Oh?" I say with a smirk, my eyebrows raised. “Why don't you tell me about it, June?"
I'm taunting her on purpose, and she twitches as soon as I say her name. Finally, Kade nudges her to make her talk to me, and she looks me in the eye for the first time that evening.
"We..." she begins, her voice hoarse from being quiet all evening. She clears her throat before going on. "We wanted to offer you to get some help."
I look at her, feeling completely confused, but it's like a dam has broken inside her. She's braver now that she's finally said something to me. She reaches for me, grabbing my arm in one of her palms. Her soft, creamy skin enveloping mine is almost too much to handle.
"I love you so much, Parker," she says sweetly, her eyes dancing across my face, begging for me to listen. "You were always my best friend. I know you didn't mean what you did, and I know you want to get better. And we can help you with that, you know? We can make all those problems go away."
I look at her blankly, trying to take in what she's saying. I have mixed feelings, what with her skin on mine combined with the words coming out of her mouth.
"I go by Nox now," I remind her firmly. She flushes. So fucking pretty.
"I'm sorry," she manages. "I got too excited. But I want you to know we're here for you. The way we should have been all those years ago."
"What do you mean?" I ask through gritted teeth. She looks so enthusiastic. Like she can actually help. Like I can even get better.
"We have this great psychiatrist," she begins. "He deals with a lot of cases like yours... People who have been abused by a close family member."
My eyes snap to Kade's. Does he know what Dad did to me? Did he finally accept our father was a fucking monster, just like I am? I don't ask, and Kade doesn't meet my gaze.
All these years, I've blamed Dad for everything. But Kade should've noticed something was off. The number of times I hid my scars and the bleeding from him, and lied to protect Dad. And he never said a word, never even suspected anything. Even now, he won't acknowledge it.
"And this magic doctor can make it all go away?" I chuckle darkly. June smiles, nervously tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear.
"We hope he can, Parker, err, Nox. We really do."
"How's he going to make things better?" I ask.
"Well, he's very well-known in his field and specializes in PTSD. You know, post-traumatic stress disorder," Kade goes on, and I nod, resisting the urge to tell him I'm not a goddamn idiot. "We thought with his expertise, you would be well on your path to recovery. We know it's possible for you. And we want to be a family again."
And after that, I tune everything out. They go on and on about some quack fucking doctor who can do wonders, probably by prescribing a shit ton of medication to me. Kade nods enthusiastically as June speaks, and it drives me fucking insane to see them ganging up on me. But as bad as this is, I know I can't show my true side yet. I know I can't tell them I think they need a doctor, not me. I can't say I'll never go along with all of the plans they've made for me. And if I want to get what I really desire, I'll have to go along with this.
So I agree with them, nodding my head like an obedient dog. I admire their happy smiles and admit I have issues. I do everything to make it seem like I'm going along with it. As though I'm actually working on shutting out the darkness. Not that I'd ever do that.
When you lock the door on a part of yourself, you let it rot. You let it fester. And once it all comes out, it's a thousand times worse. I wish Kade had learned that lesson sooner.