want a gunfight.”
“If something happened to him, who would be next up…for the Armenians?” she asks.
“He’s got a younger guy below him, but that guy’s quiet and reserved. It wouldn’t be the same group without Aren.” I lean my head against the back of the chair, closing my eyes so I can appreciate how Elise feels on top of me.
If I could sit here with my arms around her for forever, I’d do it. To hell with eating, showering, sunlight, or any of that other shit.
Her fingers stroke through my hair. “How are you?” She kisses my eyelids. “Besides today, when you couldn’t stalk me anymore and had to call my father?”
I peek an eyelid open, find her smirking. “I’m fine.”
“I don’t want those faux answers. Give me real ones.” She frames my face with her hands. “Talk to me, my Luca. Tell me everything inside your head.”
I kiss her lips, and she pries me off, laughing. “There are stereotypes, Galante, and you’re playing right into them.”
I shut my eyes again. “It’s not my fault you’re tempting. And you smell like heaven.”
She tucks her cheek against my chest and whispers, “Tell me what’s been going on. Outside those little dark hearts we send on text.”
I shrug. “Just the same ole.”
“No.” She laughs. “I’m not asking what you’ve been doing. I want to know how you are.” Her finger traces a heart over my shirt. “How do you feel? What do you want? And don’t you try to tell me tired and a cheeseburger. I miss you, and so I want to know how you are. I don’t have anything to go on, since I can’t live with you yet.”
Her voice wobbles on that, and I squeeze her closer.
Fuck. “You want to live with me?”
“I always have.”
“We were kids then.”
“And we’re not now.” Her fingers play at my nape, and my throat aches thinking of all the things she doesn’t understand about me. And maybe wouldn’t want to.
In the elevator all those years ago, she asked me if I still had the problems I had back in high school. Instead of getting better, all that shit has…I don’t know. It’s not worse, but it’s different. “I don’t know if you could sleep with me,” I mange.
She waits a moment before murmuring, “How come? Think you’ll keep me up?”
I nod. Try to swallow.
“I don’t care about that.”
I clench my jaw.
“What are you thinking?” she whispers.
Being with me will only bring you down. That’s how I’ve always felt. But I don’t want to bring that feeling up between us again. I don’t want to bring her down by saying I’ll bring her down. I squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head.
“Tell me, Luca. Tell me what makes you unhappy or afraid when you think of us together. If you don’t tell me with words, you’re going to tell me in some other way. And it might not be pleasant.”
Well, that’s insightful. Fuck.
She grins. “Trust me, I’ve done therapy for years.”
“It helped?”
“Like magic. You should try it.”
“I have—only a little, though. I didn’t want to put them in a weird position.”
“Because of your work?”
I nod.
I can feel her eyes on me. I can feel her asking me for…I don’t even know what. I glance down at her, and out at the bookshelves in front of our chair. Then I close my eyes. A few seconds tick past. She shifts in my lap, curling closer to me…like a nudge without touch. And I just fucking do it.
“Sometimes it’s okay,” I manage. “Like…any normal person. But then something will shift. I’ll start…feeling weird again. Like being set off.” I open my eyes again, looking again at the shelf. “And it ends up that I can’t sleep. I don’t know why. That’s when I need to find someone who can help me.”
A moment passes. I can’t bring myself to look down at her.
“Is that the only thing?” she murmurs. “Or are there other things that give you trouble?”
“It doesn’t really matter.” I shut my eyes.
“Why does it not? Are you saying we won’t ever live together? You just said you want to be with me. So tell me who you are.” Her fingers trace my jaw. “I don’t care if you’re a werewolf and you never sleep. If you’ll cuddle me sometimes while I do, that works. If you don’t want me in your bed, we can get different beds. We could even have different rooms.”
“I want you in my room,” I manage.
“You’re afraid.”
I shut my eyes.
“Let